My (28/F) boyfriend (32/M) never seems to show interest in figuring what to do for our dates and doesn't seem to show that he's interested in me anymore.

We've been together for a little under a year. At first we would do all of the normal things like going out to dinner, to the movies, out for a drink or two, etc. But now he just doesn't seem that interested in doing things on our dates. Apparently he actually hates going to the movies and didn't think to tell me until now. That's okay. We don't have to go to the movies. Not that big of a deal. But even just figuring out where to eat or what part of the city to go to ... he just doesn't really have any ideas and always seems to have a problem with whatever I choose as well. And not in the usual way that most people usually experience in relationships where you can't agree on a restaurant. I guess I'm just wondering if he even wants to be with me anymore.

When I ask him about it, he turns it into a situation where obviously he wants to be with me and it's fucked up that I have to ask. I end up feeling like I'm just overthinking it and being insecure for no reason. But I do have my reasons for feeling this way. And I would appreciate it if he were to show more interest. Not just in our dates but in me as well. I've talked to him about this in great detail and he agrees that he just ends up acting this way in relationships. This was apparently why things with his most recent ex hadn't worked out as well. He said he thought things would be different with me because I was friends with him for three years before we had ever dated, so we have more of an understanding of each other. But I guess it's the same thing all over again. I asked him what he's been doing differently, what changes he's made, etc., this time to think that it would be different than last time, and he didn't really have anything to say.

It sounds like he doesn't find it important enough to show that he cares. Once he's with someone, he kind of just expects the fact that he's with them to be enough for them to know that he wants to be with them. And I mean, I'm not asking him to fly me out to the mountains and plan a romantic dinner under the moonlight or something. I just want to know that he's still interested in me. Even just telling me with words, "Hey, my feelings haven't changed. I care about you," would be so much better than what I'm getting now, which is nothing. I just feel silly having to bring this up because in part, I feel like I do sound insecure. But this isn't really an insecurity as much as it is a lack of attentiveness on his part. I don't want to feel like I'm dragging him around on dates. I want to know that he wants to be there and that he'll put in some effort to show me.

I get that the longer you're with someone, the less effort people usually put in because you get comfortable or whatever else, but I'm not really asking for much. And the message is always lost when I speak to him about it, because he doesn't really understand that I'm not attacking him and certainly not trying to make him out to be a shitty boyfriend. I just want some reassuring words sometimes. That's really all it is. But the message is always lost. And I end up feeling ridiculous in the end.

tl;dr It's to the point where I don't know if he wants to be with me anymore and whenever I speak to him about it, I end up feeling ridiculous. In his mind I should know that he wants to be with me even if he doesn't show in the ways that I'm used to. It's just hard for me and I feel like when we talk about it the message is always lost and nothing really changes. Am I overthinking it?

Submitted June 02, 2019 at 01:16PM by datenightideas http://bit.ly/2KlE01y