I (24M) feel burnt out holding up my SO(22F) of 2 years, but I can't figure out my course of action.

I've been dating my SO for two years and things have been rough for awhile, but we've held strong through a lot of it. She has multiple chronic pain disorders (fibro and chronic migraines) and suffers from mental health issues, (high anxiety, severe panic attacks, and PTSD) which I learned about two months into our relationship.

I felt equipped to deal with this from the get go, and have done my best to be my SO's rock through all of the darkest times she's had. Whether it be back rubs, darkening the lights, leaving dates early, ditching parties, holding her close during an attack, helping her take her ativan, talking her down over the phone, helping her get up stairs, helping her take a breather when she's pushing her body too hard, everything I could do to help, I've done the best I could.

After a year of us dating, I was sure I've met the kindest, heartfelt, loving and gentle woman I've ever dated. We decided to move in together after I made sure we were both okay with this, we checked out places and came to agreement that renting a room at a friends house would be more than good for us, I moved in first and eagerly waited for her to get herself ready to move in as well. This is when things started to get worse, her illnesses took a turn for the worse as stress piled on, she started a new semester at college and put off us moving in together, she had been living at her mother's house during the time we met and still was, and as the semester went on, her home life, which was already turbulent, started to get rougher.

she postponed moving in month after month, I was understanding just due to what was going on, and cheerleaded and helped where I could along the way. We got a cat which I absolutely adore, and holiday came around which we spent at my grandparents house. when we finally had our first "major" problem with our roommates, which in hindsight was not very major, but caused my SO and myself to have serious discussions about our living situation. She told me she did not feel comfortable around our roommate/landlord which is why she hadn't been coming over, although she was paying rent and utilities and she didn't want to tell me due to the fact that she didnt want to break up my living situation with my friends. I immediately charged in to attempt to solve the problem, looking for other houses, trying to empathize with her, and do what I thought was right. I knew it wouldn't be fair for her to live in a place where I felt comfortable but she didnt.

Time passed and the situation was resolved very quickly, we didnt move out immediately and I did damage control while working on plans to move out after the summer was over. We started going out less, I'm a fairly extroverted person and have a tight knit group of friends who I spend time with on a fairly frequent basis who I started to see less and less. My SO's school situation was critical most days, she has a bad habit of overloading herself with work, until she was in shambles, panicking over extracurricular assignments and essays, while all I could do to help is text or call to lend support. I worry about her constantly, and looking back, I never had this much anxiety all of the time. I'd worry about her having a panic attack or migraine, or fibro pain and passing out at school, or her mom freaking out at her when she got home. I still do.

This has been constant. Most of the times she comes over, she collapses into a glob of anxiety, stress, pain, and panic. Shes told me that she's burning me out, that I deserve someone better. I shrugged those comments off and took more of her weight. I've always let her lean on me, she needs it.

Until this past week, she was feeling good, class has been out, she hasnt been overloading herself with work, she started an internship thats very promising and she took a summer class. We went on a date and had an amazing day goofing off and learning together, and finished it by going to one of our favorite places for dinner, when we got we cuddled up and we got intimate for the first time in weeks. Our sex life has always been good and I've always tried my best to be attentive, gentle when I need to be, rough when she wanted, and communicated with her through out sex. But after we had sex, after I asked her if she was okay, she left to use the bath room and came back having a panic attack. She said she couldn't breathe and I tried my best to calm her and was successful, when I had the sudden realization how much our relationship had drained me, we hadn't had sex without her having a panic attack afterwards in atleast a year and a half, I go to bed alone almost every night worrying to death about her, and wake up worried about her. I give everything I can to help, I burn myself to light her fire. My SO looked at me and we had a serious conversation about all of this, she told me what she had before. She wants to be the person I deserve, she needs to get professional help with her mental illness, she's not going to make us move out of the house and work hard to make the house we 'live' in our home, and more. I spoke my part and my SO told me that I needed to communicate this from before. I had attempted to do this many, many, times before, politely, assertively, quietly, to no avail. And I realized that I was at the end of my rope.

We went to bed, woke up and laid around watching tv, things were calm but tense, It felt liked we'd walked through a doorway and that things weren't the same as they were before. I told her that I wanted to try and make this work and that I still see a future with her, I told her that if I feel like we're slipping back into the same routine that I'd have to end our relationship. I'm so worried about what would happen to my SO if it does come to us ending things, her family is not supportive and while she does have good medical care, I'm terrified of what would happen if I wasnt there to help. I don't know if I have anymore rope to hang on to.

Thank you for your help in advance.

Tl;dr I'm rethinking my decision to continue a two year relationship with my SO who has chronic illness and mental health problems, we had a serious conversation where our relationship was called into question, after two very difficult years and I dont know if it should continue.

Submitted June 01, 2019 at 02:11AM by throwawaytca http://bit.ly/2IcfJZ3