A tiny bit of backstory: I moved to my husband's state (even though I hate it here) for cost of living reasons. I have no bio family of my own: only child, we immigrated from another country when I was a child, so any extended family is on another continent, my mom and I are estranged (my choice) and my father is dead. My husband (45M) and I (34F) have two kids (3 and 4 months). His entire family is in our area (his brother, our SIL, his parents).
Ever since we moved here five years ago, every single holiday is spent with my husband's family. Every single one. My husband also works a very rigorous schedule (hospitality), including most holidays. So whatever time he has on holidays, which isn't much, he automatically wants to spend with his family.
This is where our disconnect is:
To him, "his family" is his brother, our SIL, and his parents ... and oh yeah, me and our children. In other words, his bio family unit and his nuclear family unit.
To me, "his family" is me and our two kids. His nuclear family unit.
I was honestly hoping to start new traditions as a nuclear family for our kids. My husband "has always hung out with my family" and therefore sees no problem with the status quo. But his schedule leaves no time for us to do things as a nuclear family unit, just time to go over to his parents' house. Like today, on Father's Day. He gets off work an hour before the kids' bedtime and we're going over to his parents'. Obviously, it's Father's Day so I'm not putting my foot down, but guess what we did on Mother's Day? His parents' plan! Never mind that I wanted to do something different.
It's almost like his attitude is, "Well, you don't have any traditions and you don't have any family, so let's default to what I've always done." I tell him every holiday that I want to do something that's just us, start new family traditions for us and the kids, etc., but it seems to fall on deaf ears. What can I do here?
TL;DR: We spend every single holiday with my husband's family instead of making traditions with our own kids. Husband's schedule gives us limited time on holidays, anyway. How can I get him to prioritize at least SOME holidays with our nuclear family?
Submitted June 16, 2019 at 01:42PM by smutsmutsmut http://bit.ly/2wUpgyA
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