Boyfriend (M22) and I (F22) are moving in together, his parents bought him the house and he wants me to pay 2 3rds of the bills, but he's earning a third more than me - is this fair?

Me (F22) and my boyfriend (M22) met in university when were allocated to the same accommodation in our first year. We have lived together for all 4 years of college and have been together for 3 of them. Until now we have also been living with friends and have had separate bedrooms (though we mostly sleep in my room and study in his). We're both fairly happy in the relationship, love each other and see a future together, assuming nothing major goes wrong.

This summer we're both graduating and are planning to move in together. He has been offered a well paid job in another city (not the city we go to University in, or either of our hometowns) and we agreed to move there together 6 months ago. I've not managed to find a job yet (though have applied to a lot of positions, and am still applying and am really really determined to find something asap), but the city we're moving to is a big city that I like, so I don't really feel as though I'm compromising too much to move there with him for work. He starts his job in October, and we're planning to move in in September. I hope to have found a job by the latest in November.

His parents are very wealthy and are buying him an apartment (nice apartment, 2 bedrooms, centre of town in a good area - though we'll be sharing a room), so he won't be renting and will have no mortgage repayments. The initial plan was that I would pay no rent and we would split the bills equally (including council tax, apartment service charge, heating, internet etc). I was already quite worried about how this would work, as I don't currently have a job so have no certain way to pay for half the bills, so felt worried committing to something I wasn't sure how I'd pay. We'd discussed me potentially not paying until I got a job (assuming that it wasn't for an unreasonable amount of time and that I was actively trying to get one) and the replaying what I'd owe once I have a job.

However, two months ago he suddenly told me that he was worried about tying himself to someone in this way, and said he was reconsidering our relationship and us moving in together. He said he felt he was potentially being used, and that if we did break up in the future then he may feel stupid to have let me live there rent-free. He told me his parents were buying him a house for his gain, not for other's to also gain from. He said he still loved me a lot, but that he didn't feel like the arrangement was fair. I was really upset as I hadn't made any other plans for after university, and my friends already had other people to live with so I couldn't live with them instead, and I don't want to go back to my family home as it is in a very isolated location where it's hard to find work, and I have a difficult relationship with my mother. Plus I loved him above everything else to do with money etc, and thought he felt the same way.

We talked through the issues and he said that he wanted me to pay two thirds of all our bills instead to make it equal, and for me to sign a contract saying that if we broke up in a few years I wouldn't have any claim over the house (which I never would've tried to do anyway, but I see why he feels he has to protect himself). At the time, I just agreed to it and said I'd do anything to stay with him and make it work, because I love him, and I felt kind of trapped, without any other options. After I agreed to this, he said he felt much happier and was sure he wanted to be with me.

But in the last few weeks I've been feeling more and more uncomfortable about the arrangement. Because of the industries we're in, even when I do get a job it's likely I'll be earning around a third less than him per year (after tax), but yet he wants me to pay two thirds of the bills, so I'll be paying double what he will. This is going to make me way poorer than him, when I'm already earning less.

He says this is a good deal for me, as if I was paying rent and bills living with friends it would likely cos me almost double what I'm paying him. However, if I wasn't living with him he would still live in the same house with no lodger, and the bills would be virtually the same, except he wouldn't be splitting them with anyone, meaning he is financially far better off by me being there and contributing.

I feel awful complaining/criticising, as I realise I'm in a really fortunate position that most people would love to be in, not having to pay rent. But I kind of feel as though I'm being manipulated into giving him more money, when he's already in a far more fortunate position. It's not as though he's bought the house with his own money, nor is he paying a mortgage, so he's not really paying for the house, but he's gaining a lot of money from me being there, at no extra cost to him. When we got together, I didn't know his parents were planning to buy him a house, and expected that when we moved in together we would both be paying equal rent and bills. The fact his family are rich never impacted the way I felt about him/how much I wanted to be with him. I really love him and I want to make it work, but I hate feeling so unequal.

I don't know what's fair, or whether him or I are being the unreasonable one, as I've never heard of anyone in this situation before. His parents have told him this is a fair deal and are pushing him to make me pay 2 3rds of the bills, but I can't ask my mum for advice or any of my friends, as my boyfriend and I have the same friends and he doesn't want them all to know his parents are buying him a flat.

Does anyone have any advice or has been in this situation?

TL;DR Moving in with my boyfriend after college, his parents have bought him a house so there's no rent for either of us. He wants me to pay 2 3rds of the bills, but will be earning a third more than me. If I wasn't living there he would still be paying the same amount in bills and would have no lodger. Is this fair?

Submitted June 21, 2019 at 09:14AM by NoneOfTheAnswers http://bit.ly/2RrTQZO