(26 F) Native American constantly butting heads with my white BF (30 M) over his family's racially insensitive behaviors

Hi people. I've been struggling with this for our entire relationship and haven't made any real progress with my bf or his family, so I figured I'd ask for advice.

I've been with my BF for a little over 5 years and we have a very good, stable relationship in general. We live together and have plans to buy a house, have kids, the whole shebang. The problem is that we come from vastly different backgrounds and it's hard to bridge the gap. I'm half native American and was born on a reservation, and grew up in extreme poverty. I was raised with my culture and it's a huge part of my identity. He is white and comes from a wealthy family, private school, etc., so he's never really had to deal with any racial/class issues. Despite this, he's worked hard to educate himself and understand my side of life (for the most part). There is one hang up which we can't seem to agree on and is constantly coming back up in arguments.

I'm the very first minority to date someone in his family and this is really obvious when I interact with them. They're usually very nice and we see them a handful of times a year, but there have been quite a few racist comments and uncomfortable situations. A few "gotta give the native her firewhiskey" jokes when I accepted a glass of wine at a family dinner, some awkward comments about reservations, jokes about if I had raindanced recently if it was cloudy outside, you get the picture. I've tried so hard to be accepted by his family and still feel like an outsider when I'm with them, so I never felt confident enough to confront them over these comments. I just try to change the subject. I vent to my BF about everything afterwards, and he is usually surprised that I'm offended but acknowledges that it's not okay.

One thing that keeps coming up in arguments is that his family has a life-sized carving of a Native American man in their basement as a decoration for their bar (I know). It isn't painted bright red but it's pretty stereotypical and cartoonish. I found it when I first met his family and it was super fucking awkward. I hate seeing it. Would any sane person have a statue of a black person or a Jewish stereotype as a decoration?

They also like to tell me this family story about my BF's grandpa who lived near a reservation and chased Indians off his land with a shotgun because they were hunting deer. They think this is a funny story. My BF gets angry when I get upset about it and he genuinely believes the Indians deserved it (even though most reservations had starvation issues back then - who needed the deer more?).

I know his family had never met a Native American before me, and I get that this isn't something everyone understands right off the bat. But I've asked my BF so many times to talk to them about the statue and the various racist comments and he gets really angry and upset that I'm bringing it up. The last time I did, he said "I'm not comfortable talking to them about this". The most he is willing to do is be in the room with me when I confront them.

I obviously don't want to confront them about any of this. It's not comfortable for me either. They're not my family, so I feel weird making demands of them in their own home. But I also don't feel comfortable going over there and seeing the statue/listening to the bullshit commentary. I can't tell if he's afraid to talk to them or if he just doesn't believe it's a problem and thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

Shoud I just let it go and continue to not say anything? Am I being too sensitive?

TL;DR: BF is white, I am native. His family makes racist comments once in a while and has a racially insensitive Indian statue as a decoration. BF won't stick up for me. Am I upset over nothing?

Edit: words r hard

Submitted June 01, 2019 at 01:54PM by N8ivethrowawayyy http://bit.ly/2Kk59BM