My (34M) wife (29F) of 6 years wants to separate. I'm completely blindsided after we recently put down roots in a new city and had a very hard 2018.

Some context:

• My wife always had my full trust and I'm a very cynical person. I have no suspicions that she is cheating or has cheated and I have never cheated in any way or form. We have no kids. We spend almost all our time outside of work together. We have been lucky in our careers enough to afford some luxuries and many getaways over the years. We earn about a equal salaries.

We had a rough 2018:

• We were trying to get pregnant and failing from December to June. We knew ahead of time that she would need fertility treatment to have a real shot at conceiving and in the end her body didnt respond to the treatments in any helpful way (but we sure got all the negative side effects).

• Our 4yr old dog was diagnosed with and died of a rare cancer. To make the dog comfortable we went through some cancer treatment that involved a lot of vet visits, time off work and money. After failing to get pregnant it really felt like we lost a child and we were emotionally drained.

• My wife got a DUI. She recognized her inability to drive after meeting her girlfriend for drinks. She called me to pick her up, but got arrested while in the passenger seat with the car running in the bar parking lot. A lot of emotional and financial stress here as well, and this is still ongoing in court.

How she broke this to me:

• She came to me and said that she was having doubts about our marriage. She feels that I've not been very affectionate over the last 18 months and that she feels she is doing all of the work to keep our love life together. I agree with her on this, and explain how the stress of recent events has emotionally and financially left me feeling very depressed. I agree to work on the depression issue and increase my efforts.

• Two weeks after that conversation(which isnt much time imo), she says that she recognizes my effort but doesn't feel any differently. She wants to start planning for separation/divorce together so that it doesn't get ugly. She reiterates all of her previous concerns and tells me how much she cares for and loves me and that she feels intense anxiety from being with me during these hard times.

An added wrench:

• 2 yrs ago we moved to a new city away from family and friends for her career. Bought a house there in my name only. She relies on me for transportation due to the DUI.

Should I just be focusing on preparing for a life on my own or should I try to fight to keep my marriage?

• I'm completely stunned and I have convinced her to go to therapy with me and individually over the coming weeks to try to work things out. But the fact that she so quickly gave up has me questioning my own instinct to keep our marriage together.

  • I now find it impossible to be affectionate towards her, and the thought of divorce has sent me into a hole. What can I do to get out?

I dont feel like I can trust my own feelings at this juncture, so any input, advice or shared experience is appreciated.

TL;DR: My wife suddenly wants a divorce, I'm so blindsided that I question if I should focus on fighting to keep it together or preparing for being on my own?

Submitted March 02, 2019 at 11:16PM by 34AndFukt https://ift.tt/2XyvZue