So my mom has been a single mother since I was 8. I also have a younger sister (19F). She has always been financially unstable because my dead beat dad didnt pay child support. They divorced when I was 8. She is an amazing and strong woman, who raised 2 daughters on her own after immigrating to Canada from Korea. I started working when I was 16 and since then I always gave her money to support her because that was the right thing to do. She worked very hard, sometimes 3-4 jobs to make ends meet. I worked 3 jobs throughout my bachelors (nursing) and also always paid her (up to $1000/month). When I started working full time as a registered nurse I gave her $1500/month. I always thought this was the right thing to do. She would never reject the money and would get mad if I came up short. I know she was always terrified of not paying rent and sometimes had night terrors. This was due to my dad never working and earning money and supplying her with any income. She told me that I am filling in the space where my dad shouldve been and thats why giving her money makes sense. It made sense to me at the time and all I wanted to do was help her. She bought a house with my step dad but he passed away a year later. Since then she made me promise her I will live with her and support her financially until I get married. If I want my family can live with her forever, and I would financially support her forever. I agreed at first, it was such a good idea. Then I met my bf and all of a sudden I wanted to move out and live in the city. I even got a full time job in the city. All of a sudden I didnt want to live in the suburbs anymore. I felt like I was stuck. I started rebelling, getting angry, asking her why do I have the burden of taking care of her financially. I fought and argued with my mom constantly. She always threatened to sell the house and she will just go live in an apartment but it would all be my fault. I know she can only make minimum wage in Canada she but was an accountant in Korea. I know she hates being in this situation and has no other choice... Eventually she found a retired man with a good pension that moved in with her. He is financially supporting her now. But I know she doesnt really love him and she had to find someone because of me. She said I can move out now but she will never trust me financially again. I feel really guilty and I feel like I failed her in a way. If I stayed with her she wouldnt need to be with this man. This man is kind of arrogant and doesnt really like me either. But this is the situation now...and she is going to help me buy a condo next year and Ill move out. But I feel that she would have wanted me to live with her until I moved out...and that I wouldve financially supported her. She also gets really lonely and wanted me to live with her even when I got married. I just feel so bad. I feel so selfish for having all these wants and following through. I still give her 30% of my income for the mortgage and always will to support her. But I no longer want to live with her forever. I feel like one day when she passes away I will always feel guilty. How do I get over this guilt?
TL;DR I promised my single mom I would financially support her and live with her until I am married and or even after Im married. I broke the promise and I feel really guilty, selfish and feel like I failed as a daughter. How do I get cope with my guilt?
Submitted March 28, 2019 at 04:12AM by askingaquestion85 https://ift.tt/2U2Zx4T
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