Hi everyone
TL:DR - Worried about breaking up with anxious/depressive girlfriend over fear of her mental health deterioirating.
Throwaway account as per usual, I [23M] wanted to ask a question that has been playing on my mind for a while: How do you break up with your girlfriend [22F] who is VERY emotional?
A little bit of context: We've been officially dating for a little over a year and vibing for two. She is the absolute best to hang out with, we have so much fun and the banter is always flowing! We have a lot of interests in common and get along really well on the 'best-friend' side of the relationship, however, when it comes down to the real stuff, I've found she always falls short. She doesn't pick up on my distress regarding a lot of personal issues I have in my life and doesn't know how to sit someone down and actually TALK to people about what might be wrong and try to help. Now I'm an 'emotional' person too, I'm very self- and socially-aware but recently I've been feeling incredibly depressed about where my life is going as every millenial does when they're in their early 20s, another contributing factor to my depression is the lack of support or lack of people in my life who are able to provide emotional support. I don't really have many close friends I can talk to (hence the Reddit post...), my best friend is a bit of a fully functional psychopath - he doesn't even know what emotions are let alone trying to understand and put himself in other peoples shoes. I don't have anyone to talk to, only my psychologist which, well, they can't really insert themselves into your lives so that doesn't help either, he just helped me realise that this relationship is a bit toxic and detrimental and one of the main causes of my depression.
The other day I tried to talk to my girlfriend about how I was doing, I was having a REALLY shit day, so I tried to just have a simple, constructive conversation with her in the hope that it might make me feel better but it actually made things worse. I could see her reaction was annoyance and frustration when I brought up the reasons I was feeling down, and got the sense that she didn't want to talk about the problems I was having and basically told me to 'just get over it and move on'. Not something you really want to hear from the only person you have that can offer you support. - this by the way, is not the first time, I don't bother talking to her about my smaller problems because she just turns it around to try and snap me out of it so that I can focus on giving her love and attention.
Regarding the overly emotional stuff: She has the shortest fuse in the world. She takes meds everyday, and too suffers from heavy anxiety and depression, she will wake up and feel axious about everything and not want to go to college or will be too scared to go out, she'll refuse to make decisions on stupid things like what movie to watch or what type of dinner she'd prefer, she never gives me her opinion - the answer is always "Whatever, I don't mind" or " I'm easy, whatever you want" and when I ask her opinion on something, the top response I get is "Meh, I'm indifferent". You can't have a conversation with someone who is CONSTANTLY on the fence about everything. I've always been there to support her through everything in her life, I'll suck it up because if I get annoyed that she's not giving me any help or idea then the tears start flowing (like, I don't want you to tell me EXACTLY what you want, give me an idea so I know which path to follow!), I've been her rock for our whole relationship but she hasn't been mine, she constantly demands love and attention and CONSTANT REASSURANCE that everything is fine in our relationship, but as soon as I want to talk to her about an issue in our relationship it's like the whole world is coming down. Tears! And I can't talk to someone who's emotions are hightened like that, there's no way to have a constructive conversation about what is actually wrong.
Her mental state is what I'm most worried about. Because she has depression and anxiety, I fear she might in fact hurt herself or it might actually destroy her to the point that she can't get out of it. It's not really fair that I can't live my life to it's fullest potential with no shackles without the feeling of guilt that I seriously hurt someone for my own personal gain but I'm at my wits end. It's not a healthy relationship, I know she's holding me back and I know I'll be able to slowly recover from my depression when I have the freedom to do whatever I want and not have to thinkabout anyone else.
So if you were in my situation, and you were to worried about breaking off your relationship out of fear that their mental health will deteriorate monumentally. How would you do it?
Submitted March 28, 2019 at 12:32AM by helpindistress https://ift.tt/2FGidyC
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