Repost with correct information - we have been dating for two months.
This is such a first world problem that I considered not even posting about it. I feel like I’m going to get a lot of eye rolls from this post but nonetheless, here I am writing about it.
I have a very sweet and lovely boyfriend who is big into giving compliments. I, on the other hand, like a compliment every now and then but no more than that. When I give compliments to my boyfriend, I genuinely really mean them and hope he understands that.
However, my boyfriend’s complimenting has begun to make me feel uncomfortable and really objectified. It sounds like such a humble brag kind of complaint but it’s true, and I don’t know how to bring it up.
The odd ‘you look pretty today’ is absolutely lovely, but he talks about my body as if it’s this really nice toy. He constantly talks about my ass even when I’m doing the most mundane thing like brushing my teeth, and he kind of makes jokes after sex when I’m naked, like blessing himself or saying ‘somebody is looking out for him’ up in heaven. He’s making so many comments about my breasts too, because he knows I dislike their small size, and saying how amazing it is that they’re the exact same size etc, and comparing them to his past hook ups in a positive light. He also asked me to wear something beautiful and tight when I meet his friends, to see if any one them comment on my body because he’s ‘so proud of me’. I know if I refused and wore a bin bag, he wouldn’t actually care, but I sill felt weirdly flattered and freaked out at the same time.
He also describes almost every female, including me, as ‘hot’. Not just actresses in whatever show we’re watching together, but I’m ‘hot’, his female friends are ‘hot’, his best friend’s girl is ‘hot’, the girl his friends once gave a lift to from the bar was ‘hot’, his best friend’s tinder date was ‘super hot’. It almost loses all meaning when he uses the word so often about so many females, including me.
I’ve never had somebody react to my body like this and it’s honestly making me super uncomfortable. I don’t know if this is because I’m uncomfortable in my own skin or because his comments are actually objectifying. I’ve always felt that I was dated by guys either despite my body, or with little thought to my body. I never felt that somebody was actually with me for my body because while it’s a nice body and it works perfectly well, thank goodness, it’s no jewel to look at compared to many girls.
In past relationships, the compliments were few but heartfelt if that makes sense. Maybe that is what I am used to now.
I don’t want to sound like the stereotypical, negative portrayal of a feminist here, accusing all compliments of sexism - it’s ironic that I come across that way because it couldn’t be further from the truth.
But I don’t know how to bring this up with my boyfriend without sounding ridiculous or lacking confidence. Or indeed whether I should bring it up at all.
Tl;Dr - I feel uncomfortable when my boyfriend compliments me because his compliments seem so objectifying. I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding dumb.
Submitted March 01, 2019 at 04:29AM by throwthrowawayawaypp https://ift.tt/2XuT3df
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