My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We live together, and are generally very happy. We talk about spending the rest of our lives together often. However, I have one hangup. Whenever we disagree on something, he will call me names. I've been called everything you can think of. I grew up in a very volatile home, so I know exactly what NOT to do in a fight. I don't blame, I don't name call. I just say how something makes me feel. That sends him instantly into defensive/attack mode and he will call me a nasty name. The last time it happened, he picked me up from the airport last Sunday and when I got in the car, he started talking about wanting to freeze his sperm before getting a vasectomy. (BACKSTORY: I have a long and rocky history with birth control. I can't take hormonal birth control, I can't use the copper IUD, and he refuses to wear condoms. So while we've been together, I've gotten pregnant twice and have had two abortions. For many reasons I can't carry or raise a child right now. He did not come with me to the first abortion, so he didn't see how upset it made me. He came to the second one, and after seeing how upset it made me, he offered to get a vasectomy if I would pay for it as his Christmas/Birthday present this year. I agreed.) At first I asked why he wanted to freeze his sperm, because he had been going along with me for the past 6 months every time I said I didn't want to have kids. He got really defensive, and so I said okay fine, freeze them, they're your sperm. You pay for it. He got really angry and acted like I was supposed to pay for it. He even said, "It shouldn't even be considered a present." ??? And then he started asking why HE had to go through this. I reminded him that he volunteered to, and then I reminded him that I can't use birth control for a number of reasons and that I had already had TWO abortions. He then called me an ass hole and told me that having an abortion is no more eventful than taking a shit. He said that about 8 times over the course of this argument. At one point he was screaming and shaking the steering wheel on the highway and I was really scared.
Anyway, that was obviously really upsetting and we've talked about it. He understands that having an abortion means a LOT more to me than it does to him. But what really bothers me is his pattern of becoming explosive, defensive, and then calling me names. I do not call him names and I've told him many times that it is really hurtful. Some other examples:
He came home 6 hours later than he usually does, so I asked him where we had been and why he didn't answer my texts. He called me a c/unt.
He joked in front of others about how he should be able to call me a bitch. When I talked to him about it later he called me pathetic.
I posted a picture on instagram in a swimsuit. He called me an ass hole.
I know I'm not an angel, but I don't deserve to be called these names. I don't know how to talk to him about it without him getting extremely defensive. Most of the time he is amazing so I do love him and want to stay with him, but I cannot put up with this for the rest of my life. What should I do?
TL;DR My boyfriend calls me nasty names every time we argue. How can I talk to him about it without him exploding on me?
Submitted December 02, 2018 at 06:14AM by inkishworks https://ift.tt/2Q4loHc
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