my (30F) parents (60s M & F) said unkind things about my friend (32F) after a dinner i took them to. i'm not sure what i should do

my parents (60s, M & F) are visiting me for my birthday and i took them to dinner tonight with some long-term friends (a couple and another friend, 30F, 30M, 32F). we all live together.

my friend (we'll call her A, we've been friends for about 12 years) was tired and acting a bit out of it, but nothing too out of the ordinary. she was quiet but not rude, and just half-engaged because she didnt get much sleep the previous night. A decided she wanted to stop by a place for dessert (by herself) before heading home, so she mentioned this before we left the restaurant we had dinner at. we parted ways. i drove my parents and my other 2 roommates (the couple) to their respective places.

on the way back, my parents called my other friend a brat and, after my other friends got out of the car, i requested they not say things like that to me next time something happened like this. they both were sort of annoyed with this and told me that she had done something similar when we went to dinner several years ago, and insinuated that she was in some way jealous of my parents? this isn't the first time they've insinuated something like this with other people, but i always have a hard time following the line of reasoning.

i'm really frustrated and conflicted because my parents are old and their health is declining, but they've never been great parents. they're both alcoholics and my father especially has become particularly mean and difficult to be around. we had a birthday brunch for me a few days ago and he had to have a shot of vodka (at noon) right when we walked in, then had a few beers and a mimosa as well, even though he knows it bothers me that he drinks. i feel they've been disrespectful of my boundaries my whole life and get angry with me when i try to enforce them or stand up for myself. but they're getting old and they're not doing well so i feel obligated to keep up a good relationship with them until they pass.

a the same time, i feel really frustrated that they're talking about my friend like that when she's been a good friend to me. we've had a lot of ups and downs but while i was unemployed for many months, she was always there for me when i needed someone to talk to and helped me kind of keep my head above water.

should i tell my friend my parents said these things? i feel it will just make things worse, but i also feel like she deserves to know so she can decide for herself if she wants to be around them in the future. i feel like it's deceitful to not share this with her? but i know she won't dwell on it if i dont tell her anything else about it even though my father was kind of rude with her while we were at dinner.

i need advice

tl;dr: my parents talked poorly about my friend behind her back after she was kind of checked out during a dinner. i'm really upset by this because she's been a huge source of support for me and my parents have been neglectful alcoholics while i was growing up and mean alcoholics now that i'm an adult

Submitted May 09, 2022 at 05:30PM by throwaway-heehaw https://ift.tt/7VHsliY