I’ve been ghosted by a close friend

Hi. I’m sorry for the long post; I tried to include as much important information as I could. Here’s my situation:

I (24M) have been ghosted by a close friend (36F), and the whole experience has been really painful and has done no favors whatsoever to my anxiety and self-esteem. I know there might be some questions in regards to the age difference, so I’ll take a moment to address those now➡️ I didn’t really have the typical childhood; when I was a teen I had to step up to take care of a household and take up adult responsibilities, and as a result I had to leave a lot of stuff behind in regards to teenage experiences and the like. I don’t hold any resentment toward my family over this, nor do I feel like I missed out on much.

My circumstances made me have to grow up quicker, and as a result I don’t really relate as much to a lot of people my age, nor am I into the party/hook-up/drinking scene; I don’t mean this as an offense to anyone who is or to stereotype an entire generation. I know not everyone in their 20’s is into that stuff, nor am I trying to hold myself above others who are; I’m just trying to give some insight about my background. It’s always been easier for me to connect with people who are older than me; even in school I found it easier to hold a convo with some of my teachers, than with some of my peers. I’ve never had many friends my age or close around it either.

Now that I’ve given context to the age difference between my friend and I, I’ll go back to the issue at hand➡️ This year, I met a woman who would go on to become a close friend of mine. It caught me off guard by how instant the connection was. We started talking one day and immediately hit it off. I wasn’t used to something like that. Admittedly, I was on the fence about putting myself out there with making a new friend because I was ghosted before by someone who I trusted and it put me in a bad place. In the aftermath, I’d had a constant guard up and didn’t open up to others.

So I was cautious, but again we hit it off immediately and connected on a level I hadn’t with someone before. At the beginning, I told her about my past experience of being ghosted and how it affected me; she knew this about me and even said that she was glad I told her about this and that my message had touched her. There literally wasn’t a day where we weren’t talking, and it was pretty much all-day convos initiated by both of us, so it was never one-sided. We had the same love of movies, understood each others references, both had an appreciation for nature/photography, and we had the same sense of humor. She was easy to talk to. We were both going through a tough time in life and were there for each other, and for the first time in a long time, I dropped my guard and allowed myself to be open and vulnerable, and she was with me also.

We don’t live in the same time zone, so it took effort for us both to talk and keep making time for each other, but it always seemed effortless in a way. I told her I appreciated her efforts in maintaining our friendship despite obstacles/the time difference, and she told me that she appreciated my efforts as well, and that waking up to my messages bought her smiles, warmth, and made her think less about her problems. She said that she was glad that she didn’t dismiss me because I was under 30 and that I was her confidante. We even had this thing where we’d share our day with each other through photos we took; for example, this began when one day she knew I was feeling down, so she on her own accord, while she was out with some friends, took pics of a local beach (because I love the beach) and of other sceneries where her and her friends were going throughout the day; and I would do the same for her as I went about my day.

Here’s where I noticed things suddenly change and go wayward. One day, we were talking like we always did, and she asked if I could send her a face reveal; she said I didn’t have to send one, and that she understood if I wasn’t comfortable with doing so but she just wanted to, in her own words “put a face to the awesome guy who’s been my confidant and support”. Now sending/posting pics of myself is never something I take likely; even on social media I don’t have pics of myself. But after everything, I felt comfortable taking a face reveal and sending it to her. I asked if I could have a face reveal in return; while I thought it was only fair as I was sending one of myself, I told her there was no pressure.

Ever since, I noticed there was a stark difference between us (her toward me) and things just weren’t the same anymore. First, she never replied to my face reveal, nor did she send one of herself. She just randomly went awol for days; no messages whatsoever. I thought it was strange, but I didn’t suspect the worst of the worst yet. But during this time, I sent 2 messages to check up on her; however, those went ignored, too. I didn’t send another message until some more days of utter silence; to sum it up, it was a brief message saying I hoped she was ok and asking if something was wrong. Again, no response, but the next morning I received a reply from her that was snappy toward me; her message contained some personal details of hers I won’t divulge, but to sum it all up, her message ended with her saying our chats weren’t her priority. I know she has her own life, and I know I’m not entitled to her time, but seeing that message really hurt… it just did. I told her that I was sorry, and it was never my intent to add to her stress but I was just worried about her, and she always told me our chats helped, so I was just trying to help in any way I could.

I had no further plans to write back and just give her some space. Well, I didn’t have to worry about writing back anyway because she went awol again for some more weeks. She then randomly sent a brief message one day asking me how I was doing but you could just feel the shift in tone, and it wasn’t the same; at this point I already felt like I was being ghosted and thought about not replying, but when I first saw the notification… I was happy to hear from her. But then, it was just a few one worded replies from her and me trying to carry a nonexistent convo. After that, I never heard from her again and it’s been going on 2 weeks so far.

I’ve been ghosted, and it extremely hurts. I never thought she would do something like this because I told her about my past experience, and she said she never wanted to be ghosted herself. I looked back through our thread, and it’s clear this all started after the face reveal, so I believe it has to stem from that; everything was great before, but not afterward. Or was I just being used as an emotional crutch, and now that she’s feeling better, I’m being tossed to the curb? I feel like such an idiot for even putting myself out there again and leaving myself vulnerable; I feel like I’ve done this to myself. I just feel like a complete joke.

I guess what I am here to ask is if it’s a good idea to send one more message to basically tell her how I’m hurting from this, and how I never thought she would just ghost me? Not a message of anger, but saying I truly wish her all the best in life, but I have to remove myself from this situation because of how it’s affecting me. Would that be a wise idea or just leave it like it is? Is it even a good idea to tell her that I’m hurting? I thought it might provide some closure of sorts for myself, but I am just not sure what to do anymore.

TL;DR A close friend randomly started acting short & distant before completely ghosting me. I believe it all traces back to a face reveal pic. I’m really hurt over the situation and this has done nothing good for my anxiety or my self-esteem. I was wondering if I should send her one more message to basically give myself some closure in terms of telling her how I’m hurting from this, and how I never thought she would just ghost me. Not a message of anger, but saying I truly wish her all the best in life, but I have to remove myself from this situation because of how it’s affecting me.

Submitted May 02, 2022 at 07:44AM by ThrowawayWasGhosted https://ift.tt/tZAu5ld