My boyfriend of 1 year has been lying to me about his age - our age gap used to be 3 years but it is actually 17. Is breaking up with him the right thing to do?

I just found yesterday that my boyfriend has been lying to me (F19) about his age, and somewhat lying about his last name as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 3 months now. I am currently 19 years old and he is meant to be 22 right now, but it turns out he is actually 36 years old.

Our relationship is online, so I never had any real life indications from his surroundings, family or friends that he is older than he has been telling me. I always had a thought in the back of my head thinking that he may have been older than what he was saying as he was always forgetting his age, his life story makes it seem like he is older than he is, and little things he would say over the course of our relationship. I did bring it up with him a few times, but in the end I ended up trusting him because he is my boyfriend and I love and trust him, and that from the start of our relationship he has been very big on being open and honest with one another.

I thought it was strange that whenever I looked his name up on google I got zero results about him, especially since he makes and uploads music. I ended up searching a nickname he uses on the internet, only to find a old YouTube channel he obviously forgot about that had content that matched him perfectly (hobbies, pets, etc), only the last name on the profile wasn't his. I ended up looking that name up and found a criminal record on him and his actual age (with photos, so I knew it was him). Instead of the 3 year age gap (which I thought was still quite big due to me not even being 20), it turned out to be a 17 years age gap.

I thought I would give him one last chance to tell me, so I asked him how old he was and what his last name was, and he still gave me the same answer. After that I did confront him about it, and he said that he has been wanting to tell me this since the beginning. He said that he just wanted to fit in with the people he was hanging out with when we first met, that he feels younger than he actually is, he has been using his step-fathers last name instead of his legal one because he doesn't want to be reminded of his criminal past, and that he never meant to hurt me. I feel so lost and confused and lied to, so violated to now know that all these first times I have shared with him have been with a man almost double my age, close to his 40's, and that they have been with someone I don't really know.

I feel like I should have broken up with him then and there, but I just couldn't bring myself to as I needed to think about everything and understand it all, and I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. This is my first ever relationship, and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Now that this has been brought into the light everything is starting to make sense. The way he would treat me unfairly, making me out to seem like it's always me in the bad, how every thing I did was just incriminating me in his mind, the amount of times he threatened to break up with me, that he was starting to "resent" me, told me I would never find anyone that would treat me the way that he does, that I was a "shit girlfriend"... I felt like such a monster towards him, I did everything I could to better myself as a person and as a girlfriend, I put my life on hold for him because he told me that since this is my first relationship I clearly have no idea what I'm doing and that he would help me. The one and only time I did lie to him he blew up on me and said such horrible things towards me - what I had lied about was that I told him I wasn't up to anything, because I was buying him a gift and I just wanted it to be a surprise, I felt so guilty because he said he could hear me typing and started to say that he must be going crazy so I ended up telling him immediately. He said such horrible things to me because of that lie despite being fully aware of what he has been lying to me about for a year. When I confronted him about his lie, he told me that he knew he wasn't treating me right and that he has been projecting his insecurities about himself onto me, but it will be different from now on.

After his lie, I can't find it in myself to believe him when he says that if I give him another chance it will be different as all my trust in him has been completely broken. I can't figure out if I didn't break up with him because for a year I was in love with him and just having to stop that all of sudden seems impossible, or if it's just cause I'm afraid of being alone after being on call with him 24/7 all this time. Or is it because I am afraid for him and what he might do if we break up, as he has issues with his mental health and battles with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I have spent over a year being nothing but kind and considerate to him, caring about him and his well being, so having to just push that aside all of sudden is hard for me to do, especially since we did have good times and created good memories with one another. I really don't know what to do, I'm having such a hard time making sense of this all and what step to take forward now, having to put myself and my wellbeing above others has never been something I have done, and I don't know how to start. I know that my thoughts and confusion towards this situation might seem silly to others, but I would really appreciate some advice on if breaking up with him is the right thing to do. Thank you

TL;DR! - My (F19) boyfriend of 1 year and 3 months has been saying he was 22, when he is actually 36. He has said that all the unfair treatment he has been giving me was due to the stress of keeping this lie hidden. I don't know what to do to move forward, how or if I should breakup with him. Feeling very lost and alone and confused. Any advice or thoughts on the matter on if breaking up with him is the right thing to do would be very much appreciated, thank you

Submitted April 08, 2022 at 12:32AM by catpatio https://ift.tt/rYHItV3