Throwaway since my husband is very active on Reddit so sorry if some of the details are vague. Everyone on here says don't ignore your gut, your subconscious knows something you don't etc. And lately I have been having terrible anxiety that my husband has feelings for a co-worker. Now apparently this co-worker is naturally pretty flirty and supposedly says these things to "everybody" and has given a few male co-workers the wrong ideas already that she says the male co-workers have tried to act on she not being interested, at least that is what she has told my husband.
But the things that started it were messages I see from her either on linkedIn or his work chat such as "working with you is the best part of my day" or "thanks for being my guy" or "only because you are my favorite". My husband is bilingual (however not the only one in the office who speaks this 2nd language) and she has now asked if when he is in the office (he is not in the office full time) if she can practice with him because apparently the other co-worker who also speaks this language (female) has "too strong of an accent".
Now in my snooping his responses don't immediately set off red flags but they don't offer comfort either. I would like to think he is too nice and trying to keep the peace since they do work together. For example his response to practicing was "sure, there are more XX speakers here than xxx (other language she was apparently learning) " and to "thanks for being my guy" was "you got it!". He didn't respond to the LinkedIn when I brought it up to him he said he thought it was a weird thing to say but again "she says things like that to everybody" (not that I have seen though).
Now I know you are probably thinking the part about the language isn't a big deal but he hasn't taken the time to work with me or his son who has also expressed interest in learning this 2nd language so that made me angry.
Now I have "investigated" everyway I can. I know most of his passwords including the one on his phone. However he never leaves his phone unattended, even in the shower he brings it in the shower with him so he can stream music, and he is ALWAYS on it, usually reddit. But from what I can see there again is nothing earth shattering in his responses, just again him being nice. And he hasn't really given any indications anything is going on other than when I bring it up to him he says "I can't control what other people say". Or when I tell him this seems off why would she say that its always "she is like that with everybody." I try to explain that's not the same. He says he likes to help people, and he helps everybody when different female coworker ask me for help that doesn't mean anything and I'll remind him but she never responds with "thanks for being my guy". He has also never said he is attracted to her BUT he never said he wasn't either which also bothers me when I bring up my concerns.
Now they work together so I have to get over the fact they are going to talk. They are both around the same age while a good chunk of the other workers are older so they have that in common as well. But I can't shake that she is into him and worry if she keeps being persistent she will either take his "niceness" as an invitation or he will eventually fall for all the flattery.
Am I overreacting? What can I do to curb my constant need to look at his computer every time he steps away to see what their chat says, or try and engineer a reason I would need to use his phone. He has given me no reason to date not to trust him and I fear my constant desire to snoop and attitude is going to actually really push him away and possibly make this fiction a reality if I don't stop.
TLDR: Husbands [M35] flirty co-worker[F 35] constantly flirting with him, gives me anxiety and constant desire that consumes me to snoop to ensure he is not flirting or catching feelings back that could make this fiction a reality.
Submitted November 02, 2021 at 08:06AM by No_Spot6091 https://ift.tt/3CC7Irf
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