Me (23m) any my girlfriend (19f) have been in a long distance relationship for about 8 months. We have met in person and spent multiple weeks together so we aren’t complete strangers.
About 6 months before I met her is when her last relationship ended. She found out her ex had been cheating on her. Now the situation was a little more difficult and 6 months prior to their breakup he moved states to where she lives and moved in with her and her parents. They used to live in the same state and were best friends for the better part of 5 years before they started dating. Her mom got a job in another state which required them to move about 6 months after they started dating and after doing long distance for about another 6 months that’s when her parents let him move down so they could be together.
After he cheated and they broke up he continued to live there as his family was in the process of moving across the country. So he lived there for about another 6 months after they separated and now he’s in another state.
That’s the back story so you know.
My situation now is very frustrating. They still talk often on Snapchat and FaceTime. I take an issue with that and have voiced that to her but she told me that he is her best friend and she will never stop talking to him. She says she doesn’t see him as an ex anymore and just a good friend because, as she says, he has been there for her through a lot of hard times before they started dating.
It’s the exs birthday coming up soon and he is flying back to her state to spend a week there for his birthday. Her mom offered to let him stay at their house again. This is something I told her I was very uncomfortable with but that didn’t change anything. He’s flying back to go hook up with the girl he cheated on her with and to see his old friends which includes my girlfriends.
I will note that my girls parents love her ex even after all the terrible things he did to their daughter and that is something I can not understand. They never tried to kick him out after he cheated. They continued to give him a place to stay and put food on his plate after all that happened.
When I told her I was uncomfortable with him staying there she basically told me to just deal with it. I told her that I feel it’s super disrespectful towards us and me to have him staying with you, and also going out and hanging out with him, especially since I’m not there. She told me that by me saying that, that it was manipulation so I just dropped it and tried to move on.
That is not the only instance though as something else that is continuing is when they talk he always tells her “I don’t know why you still talk to him” or “I don’t know why you give him the time of day” and etc. I told her that at the very least if you aren’t gonna stop talking to him then she needs to set boundaries and make sure he just acts like a friend. He constantly tries to tell her how to live and what to do. Always asking her what she’s doing when she’s with me and has the need to know our business. She did talk to him and he stopped asking so many questions but he still continues to ask why she’s with me. He also bitches because the don’t FaceTime as much as they used to and she doesn’t respond to him every second and I told her to tell him to deal with it. I don’t want to feel like I come second after an ex and she told me I was wrong for saying that I should be a priority over him.
The continuously fight and he says a lot of fucked up and hurtful shit to her and she will come crying to me and I tell her that he doesn’t sound like a good friend if he’s saying all of that to you and making you feel this way. She asks for my opinion and I tell her that he’s a shitty person and that she shouldn’t be talking to him but then she goes into this defense mode and tells me not to talk about him like that and tells me how much he used to be there for her all this shit.
I don’t want to feel like an asshole by giving her and ultimatum and telling her to pick between me and him. I don’t even know if that’s the right thing to do so that’s why I typed this to ask for advice. I don’t know if I’m over exaggerating and it’s not that big of deal? I don’t know how to go about it anymore because I feel like no matter what I do I’m wrong.
I apologize for this being so long. Any advice I’d appreciate.
TL;DR! My girlfriend ex is rude and disrespectful to her and me but she refuses to stop talking to him and gets mad when I say he’s a bad person.
Submitted November 04, 2021 at 02:04AM by iNormalHuman https://ift.tt/3bEpWML
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