My (35 M) gf (34 F) decided to be honest with me about her past. So I decided to be honest with her about mine. But now she's angry and doesn't want to see me.

The title doesn't do this justice. No idea what title to come up with to make it short but still sum up the whole thing. This is going to be a long post. Please bear with me. It's a little bit complicated for my non-native English speaking brain to articulate the words but I am going to try my best.

I met my ex 'Jessica' during my first year in college and it didn't take long for us to start dating. She was a few years older than me. It lasted for a year and a half during which she mentally abused me and gaslighted me into financially supporting her and her glamorous lifestyle. When she got bored, she dumped me. After I finished college, I started working at one of the most prominent companies in my city and then I met 'Hannah'. We had a lot of things in common and even though I found myself falling head over heels for her I was still reluctant to ask her out due to my past troubled relationship. But she convinced me that it's okay to fall in love again. We were both in our early thirties when we finally started dating.

So here's the bomb. Hannah is Jessica's half sister, but I honestly had no idea at the time. Jessica's father passed away when she was only 5 and her mother got married again and soon became pregnant with Hannah. Jessica didn't get along with her step father. Her relationship with her family has been hurtful and difficult for years and she has barely kept in touch with them after she left their house, which explains why I knew almost nothing about her family when we were still dating. Hannah barely spoke of her sister either. She only told me she had a half-sister who was difficult and that they hadn't spoken to each other for years and she'd rather we not discuss it because she (her sister) had hurt her and her family so badly.

When Hannah and I first started going out as a couple, we had this some kind of 'agreement' brought up by her that we didn't talk about each other's pasts. When I asked her why, she said something along the lines of "I was a whore in my early twenties and did things that I wish I hadn't done and I want to forget. If you can accept me for who I am today, then I will accept you for who you are today. I don't care about your past either."

I jokingly asked her if she had killed someone or been married before and she said no and laughed. So that's how it was for us. I had indeed slept around as well and had lots of sex after Jessica broke up with me so I thought we were even. Until last year. Out of the blue Jessica reached out to me again and when she went through my Instagram photos, she found out that  I was in a relationship with her sister. When she confronted me and asked me if I did this to spite her, I told her I had no idea that they're sisters or related in any way at all. She then told me that she only reached out to me to apologize for doing what she did in the past and that she hoped I was much happier now and she would hunt me down if I ever hurt her little sister. She then proceeded to tell me not to tell Hannah about us for her (Hannah) own sake. And that we (her family and I) were better off without her. I could tell she's changed a lot.

I was conflicted. I knew Hannah and I had agreed not to bring up our pasts but I felt that she needed to know I was in a relationship with her sister for a year and a half before we met. When I tried to talk to her about it (I started with 'my ex DMed me today'), she wouldn't have it. She said she believed me and I would never cheat on her with my ex. When I insisted that this was different, she said "She's not asking you to get back together with her or anything, right? So shut up! I don't want to hear."

Fast forward to last week, I proposed to her and she said yes. And then out of the blue, she said this proposal changed everything. So she said it was time to drop the 'no discussion about the past' thing and that I had the right to know about what she did in the past. She told me that she had two abortions in her early twenties. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. When she told that she 'was a whore in her early twenties', I did not think it involved having an abortion or two. I have to be honest. I felt hurt and slightly betrayed. But I decided to be an open-minded person. I was born in a very religious family and my parents are against abortion. But as I looked at her I realized I did not care how many abortions she had in the past. I loved this woman and she's the kindest, most loving person I had ever known and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Her body, her choice. What she did in the past has got nothing to do with us.

She then told me that she's ready to start fresh with me and maybe even have kids if I didn't change my mind about the proposal after she told me everything. We hugged and cried. To make it even, I decided to tell her about my past as well. She jokingly said 'One thing at a time, lover!'.

So I told her about me and Jessica, feeling justified doing it after she had been so brave to confess about her abortions to me. In all fairness, I had expected her to be shocked and even angry. But I hadn't expected her to go ballistic on me and start shouting and then slap me hard across the face. I tried to explain it to her that I had tried to tell her once. She dismissed me saying it was different, because it was her sister. Not some random stranger she did not know and that I should have just told her anyway.

She stormed out of our apartment and hasn't called me back since. I am utterly heartbroken now. There's nothing I can do to repair our relationship. She just doesn't want to see my face. She hates me now. And I fear she will hate me forever.

TL/DR; When we first started dating, we had an agreement to never talk about our pasts. But last week I proposed to her and she said that changed everything. So she told me she had two abortions in her early 20s. After I told her that it changed nothing, to make it even, I told her that I was in a relationship with her sister once before we met and I had only found out they were sisters last year. She got extremely angry and left. Now she doesn't want to see me.

Submitted November 07, 2021 at 04:39AM by depressohelioth https://ift.tt/3GWB6uN