Hi everyone,
So I and my husband have been together for 7 years and he has never touched me. In the beginning he said it was because he was shy and had had a traumatic experience so I didn't push. Now we've been married for a year, together for 7 and things have only gotten worse.
I've asked him a few times to use a vibrator I bought especially to help us get over this and the few times (like count on one hand) he has it's felt like a favour and that I owe him after. On the other hand we always start sex with me going down on him and he makes small gabs about how I don't go down on him enough if anything sexual comes up, that tends to be where our conversations on the matter stop.
I've tried to talk it through with him in a respectful way many times and have even gotten to the point where I've told him if things don't change (reciprocation, the stop of guilt trips, etc) this relationship is not going to last or my frustrations would one day build up and I would do something stupid and the I didn't want that to happen. His solution to that talk was that I should just go down on him more and I might find that he would be more giving..
I tried that and no surprise it was still not enough and he did not change his ways at all. I've tried suggesting we go to a relationship therapist and he said no but that he would try to change... I think you can probably tell by this point what the outcome of that was.
I feel like this has started to bleed into the rest of your relationship and has definitely affected the rest of our sex life as the same selfishness extends to the rest of sex too (we do the positions he likes, at the time he likes then he gets up and does what he likes).
I've started to notice that I'm the only one who does any of the food shopping, the house cleaning and looks after our pets. He will come home and sit on the couch looking at his phone after work until dinner is ready, eat it then 8 times out of 10 I'll have to clean up and watch something that we both agree on or what he wants to watch on TV.. and although he does work a lot, so do I (I just WFH).
It's also a damn challenge to even get him to kiss me.. and forget ever doing anything romantic like taking me out on a date or getting me something just because he was thinking of me. The only time I get him to actually talk about our problems is if I get to my wits end and cry...
I know he doesn't see what he is doing as selfish and I try to be understanding that he works really hard but I can't help but feel like this is not a relationship I see growing in a health way as we get older and I'm not sure how to remedy the situation.
I found myself making a pro's and con's list on seprating this evening and found that the only Cons were that he might take our cats and that we would have to see the house we just bought..
I really think this relationship could be fixed but I'm just lost as to if I'm just expecting too much, stuck in a bad mindset or if this whole thing is actually just not going to work any longer and I need to make the hard decision to cut it off now.
I'd love an external view and if this is something anyone with experience sees getting any better.
Thanks guys.
tl;dr: My partner is selfish in love life, day to day life, and will not talk about it or try to remedy the situations. I've found myself thinking more and more about divorce and am not sure if all these issues are just built up in my head or if this is actually something I should be seriously considering.
Submitted November 05, 2021 at 12:15AM by toomanycatphotos https://ift.tt/3bMBcGZ
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