My ex of 4 years literally was the one. We had planned to marry, have kids, the whole thing.
I bought a place for us to live in and had been doing it up. This was stressful and of course led to arguments but overall we were still great. He wasn’t living in the country, he was in Scotland where his family is as the renovations in the flat in London took about 3 months. Nobody could live in it whilst it was happening. We had a discussion about me buying it and him living in it for a small rent for a year prior and he has always been involved in every decision about the flat and was ok with it and supportive.
To cut a long story short, the evening before we are meant to move in, he says to me that he feels inferior to me because I have the flat and that he wants one of his own/a share of the flat (I have not received money from him for anything of this). The feeling seemed to me that he was now reluctant or unhappy that I owned this flat and the arrangement we had agreed. I’d never have done it if he said he wasn’t happy.
This completely shocked me. When I suggest that it doesn’t matter to me whether he had a flat and not to worry as he will at one point, or that if he felt odd about it he didn’t need to pay me rent, or that if he wanted to, I would be happy to help him buy a place seeing as I knew what was involved now, he just looked miserable and didn’t take to any of this. I was upset and shocked, trying to do the best I could. He said his self esteem was on the floor and effectively it would have been better if we had rented, than for me to have bought this. He said he was proud I had but he felt left out.
Then he said lots of things about the future of the relationship and asked for a break, which I was angry and upset about. He then said he wanted to go back home to Scotland. This really upset me as there were things we said we would do together, that I was counting on him for and I was due to move in 9 hours later! I said wether it would better to live with a friend or hotel but he declined. He then said he was depressed and I said I was sorry to hear that and if he needed to sort his head out then I understood. I was still upset and I think he was too.
In subsequent conversations, he has admitted he has a self esteem problem and said he finds it hard to relate to me sometimes because I do a different job (I’m a lawyer) and he’s more working class. It makes no difference to me but clearly there is an issue there. After discussions, where I explained how important it is for me to be with someone who is happy for my success and visa versa, I have also asked him to consider how he is going to improve his mental health (I was worried that we wouldn’t be happy living together if he felt unhappy I had a flat). He basically said to me, he can handle it but that if I want him to get therapy or work on his mental health, then he would accept that we should break up. This feels unreasonable and I can’t believe he would say this. I didn’t get angry for him ruining my big day because I thought this was more important but he showed little to no remorse for leaving that day and there was a problem with no solution. He wants to move in and forget this ever happened but I had to break up with him. I feel guilt now. Was I wrong?
TL;DR: Boyfriend didn’t want to work on himself for me. Was I wrong for ending it?
Submitted November 20, 2021 at 07:48AM by Thick_Adhesiveness39 https://ift.tt/30FTO9p
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