I(24f) am finding myself reliving past hurts and becoming overwhelmed with hurt and anger that I am struggling to deal with. If you have any insights to hold me over till my next therapy appointment I would appreciate it very much.

TLDR; past hurts are resurfacing for no real reason and I feel like I am spiraling in anger and hurt. It makes it hard feeling comfortable and safe in my home and in my relationships. I can’t talk to my therapist for 2 weeks and I am looking for some insights on how to deal in the mean time.

Quick run down: grew up in abusive home with narcissistic parents. Abused by many people outside my family because it was my norm and I didn’t know I didn’t have to tolerate. Had an epiphany last year that my life is actually more messed up than I had ever allowed myself to recognize. I’m in therapy now and making progress but for some reason I am feeling so angry and lost.

I just moved back home with my parents after moving from bad situation to bad situation for 8 years. I started going to school and working again but I feel like living at home really triggers me.

It’s like things are completely fine, but then my parents will say something invalidating or degrading to me and then I’m sent into this realm of anger and hurt where all I can see is how they’ve hurt me over the last 2 decades. I then fall into almost an auto pilot mode for days to weeks after. I have decided that next semester I’ll take less classes and work more so I can move out ASAP. But in the mean time I am struggling. I feel like my parents have intentionally set fires in my life just to see me struggle to put them out and make me need them.

I’m hurting.

I am also struggling with this same issue with my boyfriend(23m). He has never cheated and he’s the first boyfriend I’ve had that wasn’t abusive. The first 3 years of us dating were tumultuous, but this year has been infinitely better. I adore him but he has hurt me greatly many times throughout our relationship. He has lied about many small and large things but he always seemed remorseful when confronted and so we would work past it. He’s never cheated to my knowledge which was my only dealbreaker but now I’m feeling like I have more of them. He doesn’t make effort to make me feel better after, he doesn’t make much of an effort outside of letting me come over so I can be away from my parents, and he’s never said an original sweet sentiment. Every sweet thing said is parroted from me saying it first. I’ve also been the first one to initiate any steps we’ve taken in our relationship. I feel myself getting so upset thinking about all of the things I’ve tolerated and he doesn’t even give any of these things a second thought.

I feel it’s unfair to be upset about past things which adds to my already being upset. I also just feel drained and hurt and angry. I don’t have an appointment with my therapist for another 2 weeks and I don’t know how to deal until then.

Submitted June 03, 2021 at 01:31PM by elizardbeth_taylor https://ift.tt/3ijGBd1