Backstory - My [29m] fiancĂ©/partner [28f] of 6 years left me a few months ago. The breakup was really abrupt and for reasons that are unknown/ just don’t make sense to me. Long story short she called me when I was in the airport on my way home from a trip with my brother and told me it was over and that she had taken our dog and cats and moved out. Since then we exchanged a couple emails and talked on the phone only to handle logistics (breaking our lease, canceling the wedding, etc). She made it clear that she was “not emotionally available” to “walk me through the reasons why she chose to end the relationship” and that I would basically have to figure it out myself. She also said that going on the trip during the pandemic (she was very strict about quarantining) was the last straw.
Obviously this was a huge shock and very traumatizing. I won’t get into the details, but this was completely out of the blue and we had been through a lot together in terms of helping one another with various mental health issues, therapy, etc. I did view our relationship as basically unbreakable right up until the moment she ended it. No one I know (my friends/family) or even her own parents understand why or saw it coming. The best I can come up with is that the entire lens through which she viewed our relationship changed dramatically in the course of a few days.
Fast forward a few months later to now. I’m just trying to move on with my life and accept that I will probably never get answers. Of course I’m still in the process of grieving the loss of the relationship/my best friend/ our future, but for the most part I’ve moved on (or have tried to) and am trying to spend time with friends and family who I care about.
But one thought keeps coming back to me. I know that someday, be it in 6 months or 2 years, inevitably she will meet someone new and share a life with them. But the thought of that seems completely intolerable emotionally. I’m pretty much living in fear of the moment I hear that news because I’m so worried I won’t be able to handle the emotional load.
The only thing I can come up with to negate this is for me to meet someone first but I have a lot of work I want to do on myself before I feel ill be ready to get back out there and frankly this kind of mindset wouldn’t be fair to whomever I do eventually meet (or conducive to a healthy relationship).
I’ve been through breakups, etc before where of course my exes date new people but those don’t really compare to the devastation of losing such a long term and committed relationship. We had our wedding planned and then delayed a year due to covid, she had her dress, we had names picked out for our kids and an entire life mapped out.
How can I prepare myself to handle this or better yet, stop worrying about it altogether?
Tl;dr: fiancé left out of the blue after 6 years with little to no explanation. We had a whole life planned together. How do I handle the fact that someday I will get the news that she is dating or getting married to somebody else without it killing me inside?
Submitted June 02, 2021 at 08:07PM by spacialskeptic https://ift.tt/34HxsTL
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