First off, I love this community because it’s a great place to vent and I’ve gotten amazing advice in the past with other issues, so thanks ahead of time.
So I live with my very good friend and have for the past 4 years. I also live with his girlfriend, and my wife.
We rent a decent sized home, him and his gf live in the guesthouse, so I don’t really think it’s limited space or being around each other so often (although it may be) but recently he has been very rude, condescending, and just all around not treating me the way I treat him.
Let’s go through a couple of things I do for him and the rest of the household.
I’m an avid cook and looking to open a restaurant soon, so I make meals for everyone almost every night. I have for the entire time we’ve lived together. Not once have I asked anyone to pitch in on the meals, I just genuinely enjoy cooking for everyone so I never even thought of asking. But - thinking of it now.. no one has ever asked to pitch in. That’s fine, it’s not a big deal, but rather just a fact. That doesn’t mean they are bad people, because really.. they aren’t. I love them. I’m just frustrated at the moment.
I also work in the film industry as a freelancer, I get big jobs here and there where I’m able to hire on my friends, he is my go-to guy. I ask him before I ask anyone else to help out on a shoot. He’s an amazing cinematographer and I love using his extra hand on set. TL;DR for this subject: I throw him work on a pretty regular basis, literally whenever I can.
I’m overly nice to him. I think he’s a really good person and for one reason or another I respect the shit out of him so I find myself going out of my way to make sure he’s happy and comfortable living with my wife and I. He’s a bit of a hot head, and I’m extremely passive so whenever he is in one of his moods, I realize immediately and try to remedy the situation wether I’m the cause of it or not.
Whenever he fights with his girl I’m right there feeding him advice, and just talking to him as a friend. The last time I tried venting to him about my relationship issues, he didn’t listen at all and was distracted the entire time with one of his keep busy projects.
I just don’t receive back what I give in this friendship.
I recently bought a new smoker (I make a lot of BBQ) and some things take 12-14 hours to smoke. He started complaining about the electricity bill (even though I’m literally feeding him most of the stuff I cook) and then he buys a 3D printer that has been running for the past week.
This is after he complained and took his anger out on me that he can’t afford rent or the electric bill.
I... I just don’t get it.
This is a tough time for freelancers, as there is 0 work out there, he’s very upset about the fact that he doesn’t have work at the moment, so I offer him money here and there to help me out with things that I could very much do myself, but I feel bad and don’t want him in a mood so I offer him cash.
Whenever he has work, or is busy with something he enjoys, he is really nice to me. But the second he gets stressed about money or work, he takes out everything on me, and me alone. I don’t know when or how I became the scapegoat for all his personal issues but I am, and I’m really beginning to get over it and I’m sick of being the nice guy who keeps getting stepped on.
However, he has come through for me on multiple occasions, last week my car broke down and he drove 25 min to come help. He does come through for me, he really does. If I needed something he would be there, but it’s more the way he treats me when he has his own issues he’s dealing with. (Me being the scapegoat)
Trust me, I’ve tried telling him this stuff before and his sole reaction is “well I’ll just move then man, I’ll start packing now”
I just don’t know what to do from this point.
Do I stop cooking him/offering him meals, stop offering him work? Overall just stop being so overly nice? I wouldn’t say I’m being taken advantage of, I’d say I’m under appreciated and I want to be treated like I’m not the guilty one 24-7 for shit I just didn’t do or cause. I literally just want the genuine care and niceness to be reciprocated. I don’t want to be the scapegoat.
Looking forward to hearing your stories/advice!
TL;DR
I am blamed for everything and have become a scapegoat in our friendship.
Submitted April 30, 2020 at 05:13PM by Thecodyy https://ift.tt/3d2symq
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