My (39M) girlfriend (36F) is pregnant with our second child, I'm barely keeping my shit together with one kid; she won't get an abortion, and I want to just move out right now

We have a 2 1/2 year old kid already. I was pretty excited about havinga a kid, but the reality is that it's like 10% really great fatherhood feelings and 90% coping with misery. I've never been more consistently miserable in my whole life. The kid disrupts our sleep. He needs constant attention. I have to turn down invites from friends to do fun things because I'm a parent now.

The loss of the great things in my pre-parent life haven't been replaced by post-parenting things by a long shot. Additionally I used to be a very productive person with great personal fitness and both have taken a huge loss.

I feel like I sacrificed so much of my life to have this kid and gained so little fulfillment from it.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, has been glowing the whole time about this kid and about the thought of having another one.

Now that we came up pregnant (an accident) she says having an abortion would "break her" because she wants another kid so badly.

The thought of going through a pregnant girlfriend and a newborn infant again with also my screaming toddler in the mix makes me feel sick. I just want to get the fuck out of here. I want to live on my own and at least half of the time be able to wake up when I want to and plan my day around what I want to do and not be some tool to fulfill my girlfriend's motherhood-family obsessions.

I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying fatherhood the way some other dads appear to but I just can't change that. It doesn't feel like being a father, it feels like coping with having a kid.

On top of that I feel immense social pressure to stay in this relationship even though I'm pretty unhappy with being a dad. Like I'll just be some asshole dad that abandoned his family for not wanting to be part of this fucking baby generating crazy place anymore.

I feel so alone in this. My friends, the ones I can talk to, don't seem to understand either.

We try talking about arrangements where I get more alone time (I work from home) so that I don't feel like I sacrificed so much but it just doesn't feel like anything close to enough. Like just when I start getting into a groove on a project I'm interrupted, or the kid will wake us up several times during the night for a few days on end and my ability to focus on work is ruined for days. It feels hard enough advocating for 'me time' here with just one kid, like life outside of brief moments where I can work or exercise are family or chores. With yet another kid I feel like my life is going to disappear completely.

I don't even feel like I have a relationship with my girlfriend anymore either. It's just all consumed by kid/household upkeep. What the fuck, why do people do this to themselves?

Can anyone empathize? Anyone been through something like this? Did you move out? Did everyone really think you were an asshole?

Submitted April 30, 2020 at 09:21PM by news_at_111111111111 https://ift.tt/2SFzSNh