We've been together for 10 months, and I've been living at his place for 3 months (I still have my own place, but my stuff is at his). He's a wonderful guy. For example, he just brought me some pie to have before my work meeting. We got for hikes and play video games together, have very similar goals for the future, and love each other. He sees our relationship as a partnership, but recently I've had doubts.
But, both of us have more anxious/neurotic type personalities. I feel like the longer I'm in this relationship the more emotional I get. He tends to get anxious/frazzled easily (ex. wrong ingredients in the cupboard or if he gets scratched by his cat while playing). He doesn't get aggressive, but he can get withdrawn and a bit snappy. I'd say it happens a few times per week. More often if I count when he gets snappy while cooking. He's a bit military-like in the kitchen and I'm a bad cook. Then I get anxious and feel guilty, sad, or nervous even when it's not because of me. We've talked about it a lot, and it's gotten better. He rarely snaps in the kitchen now. But, it's a pretty deeply ingrained personality trait so it will never change completely.
He also makes a lot of jokes that I find a bit mean/passive aggressive. Jokes about how I can't cook well (which is true) or how I'm too lazy to feed the cat ("oh no cat, Moodytwos can't feed you tonight, I guess you will go hungry" while I'm in the middle of doing work). He does this less since I always say when I don't like his jokes, but it hasn't stopped entirely.
I hate feeling so sensitive, but I also don't understand why I'm so fragile in this relationship. He's not mean to me and loves me a lot, yet I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I've tried recognizing that it's not about me and I'm not responsible for his emotions, but it's just unpleasant being around someone who is so often withdrawn and passive-aggressive. He does this kind of joking around everyone, and also seems pretty deeply ingrained in his personality.
I guess I have two questions. 1) Has anyone been in this dynamic before and been able to change it? 2) How do I break up if I can't change it? Specific details on what time of day and how to move out would be helpful. We love each other a lot and as a couple have been through some pretty horrific/tragic events. But while we worked fantastic when things were rough, day to day seems harder.
TL;DR: My boyfriends anxiety is increasing my anxiety to the point where I think we need to breakup. Exactly, step by step, how do I end things with a man I live and love with when nothing in particular has been done wrong?
Submitted May 25, 2020 at 08:17AM by Moodytwos https://ift.tt/3gkGP0i
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