My (29F) husband (43M) doesn't want to help with the house or children but watches me and criticizes me

(just using a throwaway name for anonymity)

My husband and I have been married for two years. In April of this year we welcomed twin girls, unplanned surprises but ones that at first we couldn't have been happier about. After they were born we decided that I would stay home with them for the first year. I will say that this was not a financial stretch for us and there was no need for him to work more hours.

We have a camera in each crib, in the living room (originally set up to watch the cats while we were away) and most recently in the dining area where the change table is.

In the past 2/3 months, my husband has begun leaving early and staying late at work, presumably to avoid having to do anything with the babies (they wake up at 7 and go to bed at 7:30 and sleep through the night but if they don't I get up with them).

This doesn't stop him from watching the cameras and sending me messages throughout the day telling me what I should be doing. Examples from today alone:

• I noticed they woke up early from the first nap. You can't sit around during the second nap or you're not going to get everything done.

When he saw me eating during the second nap: - did you finish the housework before you sat down?

• I noticed you're changing their diapers more often than once before and after each nap. That's a waste of money.

• I told you already to stop using the living room Alexa to play whatever music you want, it's messing up my Spotify.

When I played music through the tv via my phone: - you shouldn't have the tv on when they're awake because they look at it.

This is a pretty good cross section of the things he says in text on a regular basis.

I keep our house as clean as I can and do a rotation every day to make sure things are picked up.

When I had a conversation with him about it he initially said he would spend more time at home (and didn't) and would stop watching the cameras (and didn't). I feel like it's pointless to have another conversation with him. He doesn't feel like he's doing anything wrong.

When he's home he avoids us. He stays in his office and plays video games until they're in bed. I've started turning him down for sex and he refuses to sleep in bed with me.

I am at the point where I want to smash all the cameras and leave, honestly, but I also feel like if there's something I can do to more effectively communicate or something, I would rather do that before going full scorched earth. I'm just tired. Does anyone have any advice?

TL;DR: I'm a stay at home mom. My husband doesn't help around the house or with the kids but expects me to do everything the way he wants and has cameras set up to spy on us (or so I feel).

Submitted December 06, 2019 at 02:25PM by pspippy https://ift.tt/2Lt57HK