My [25F] boyfriend [26M] has a couple of sketchy looking moles but won’t go see a dermatologist. One that I tend to keep an eye on has changed a bit and now he REALLY should just go. He’s refusing and it makes me feel like he doesn’t take his health and our future seriously.

My boyfriend has fair skin and green eyes. I have fair skin myself, but my mom always warned me of the dangers of the sun and I’ve been as careful as possible, although I’ve gotten a few serious burns. So, I keep a close eye on my skin. I actually have an appointment on Monday to have a couple of moles checked out.

I was horrified to learn that my boyfriend’s parents weren’t serious about sun protection when he was a kid and that he was, until recently, completely unaware of the severity of sunburn and how dangerous skin cancer can be. He’s gotten dozens of serious sunburns and he’s only 26. These past few summers that we’ve been together, I have had to constantly hound him to apply and reapply sunscreen and it’s always such a hassle.

Anyways, he has a couple of sketchy looking moles on his upper back and chest that I’ve been keeping an eye on for a couple of years. They’re atypical and darker than his other freckles and moles. After a ton of begging and nagging, he did go to a primary care physician a few months ago for a physical (he hadn’t been in years) and asked them to take a quick look. They didn’t seem concerned at the time, so he refused to see a dermatologist. So I kept taking a look at it whenever I had the chance, to make sure it didn’t begin to change.

Last night, I noticed that the biggest one seems just a little bigger than usual and it seems to be raised, whereas before it was almost completely flat. Upon closer inspection, the edges seem a bit more uneven, too. At this point, I think he needs to start seeing a specialist yearly to keep an eye on them all. Especially considering his history of getting SO much sunburn.

He has a good health insurance plan and can afford any deductibles or copays required. Money is not an issue. I think the issue is anxiety, as many of the men in his family have suffered and/or died from disease at a young age. Including his father at 50.

After I pointed out the mole and how it has changed, he’s been super agitated and dismissive of me. I told him that he really needs to call around today to see if someone can get him in ASAP. He’s refusing and saying that the GP took a look at it already and it was fine. I reminded him that it was months ago AND a GP isn’t a specialist when it comes to skin. He said that I was making him anxious and I told me that he’s making ME anxious by not taking his health seriously. He stormed off for work.

I’m SO frustrated about all of this avoiding the doctor BS. It makes me feel like he’s not taking our future seriously. I feel like, at this point, he has the responsibility not only to himself but to me to take care of his health but he just won’t.

How do I help him realize that he needs to take better care of himself in general and go see a damn dermatologist about this mole?!

Help.

*tl;dr - boyfriend has a lot of anxiety about going to the doctor and often refuses. He has a history of getting extremely bad sunburn and has a few sketchy looking moles, and one that I keep an eye on has changed. He really needs to see a dermatologist but is refusing. We’re currently in an argument because I feel like his refusal to take his health seriously is selfish because we’re planning a future together. He just thinks I’m being a nag. How to proceed? *

Submitted December 06, 2019 at 06:55AM by throwawayyy_yyy https://ift.tt/38j6SkC