My [21f] boyfriend [M30] got mad that I spilt something and started yelling at me and it reminds me so much of my abusive father? Is this a sign of future abusive behavior from him?

My bf and I have been together for a 1 year and 6 months and the one thing I love about him is he’s nothing like my father. To give you some background my dad was an incredibly manipulative and emotionally/verbally abusive man. From as young as I can remember he would get so pissed when me/my siblings would drop something and yell at us and insult us sometimes even hit us (this is just one example of my dad’s behaviour in relation to this post but he was emotionally abusive in worse ways)

Today I decided to wash the dishes before I went to bed (I usually leave them for the next morning because I am at home). I opened the oven to find a dirty tray and 2 pans. I didn’t realise that one of those pans was FILLED with oil and ended up spilling it all over myself and the floor. I was a little bit shocked and my initial reaction was to call for my bf. Instead of being understanding or trying to help, he started yelling at me and asking me “Who asked you to clean everything at night?” And “Who told you to spill oil all over the floor?” as if I’d done it on purpose.

I never ever expected him to react like that. I know this may seem like something little but in that moment he reminded me so much of my dad; the way he was speaking to me, the way he made me feel. It brought me back to those exact moments when I was a kid and had spilt a glass of water or dropped a plate and my dad was screaming at me for being an idiot.

I don’t understand, we’ve been living together for almost a year and I’m certain I’ve dropped plenty of things in the past (I am quite clumsy) and I don’t ever remember him reacting like this. I don’t know if I’ve been making excuses for him all along or if something has changed. But to bring me to the purpose of this post, am I overreacting for getting so upset? And is this a possible sign of future abusive behaviour? I feel like I can’t even look at my bf and every time I think about how he yelled at me I burst into tears. It’s just so scary how much it reminds me of my dad. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if in the aftermath of the incident he came to me and was like “Hey I shouldn’t of blown up at you like that I’m sorry” but now he’s acting exactly the way my dad would have: even more unapologetic and acting almost as if I deserved to be shouted at because I did something stupid.

Maybe I’m just overly sensitive because I’m in my feelings as this only happened about 2 hours ago. But when I think about my mum and how she ended up with my dad for over 20 years and I hear the stories of how they were in the beginning, I realise my dad never started out abusive. It was something that happened gradually over time. There is a part of me that is scared this is an early sign in my bf, but I’m also unsure because I’ve been living with him for a year and haven’t noticed anything before. Maybe I just have daddy issues and am looking into this too much.

TL;DR My boyfriend blew up at me for spilling oil in the kitchen and it reminded me of my abusive dad. Been living with him for a year but this is the first time he’s reacted like this. Is this a sign of future (emotionally) abusive behaviour?

Submitted December 08, 2019 at 02:12PM by azuradontsurf https://ift.tt/2YERBpT