TL;DR at bottom. Okay, some back story: I'm 24f, UK, lived at home til last year when my parents unexpectedly sold our home and moved 2 hours away. My Dad and I haven't always got on, hes manipulative, selfish, abusive and stubborn at the best of times. My Mum is 6 years into being a full-blown non-functioning alcoholic. She used to be my #1 person, my rock, now it's like I dont even know her. She tells lies, hides things from me, never texts or calls me anymore, always in and out of hospital for alcohol related medical problems but doesn't care shes killing herself. She knows she is an alcoholic but will not admit it nor does she want help and wishes to be left alone. I love my parents and miss them sorely but they give me such bad mental stress I dont see them too often.
Last year was my older sister's year with them & it sounded horrible. Boring, sad, mum was drunk, arguments, awkward silences etc. I, on the other hand, stayed with my bf & his family: it was perfect. Everyone loves and cares for me, it made me feel normal being with them and we all really enjoyed the day. It made me realise what I'd been missing out on.
Current situation: Recently I saw my parents for a general visit and we had a big arguement over mum's drinking. She was drunk and accused me of stealing her alcohol, my dad sided with her and demanded I pay him without even entertaining the thought she could have drank it. I just ended up leaving early and we haven't spoken since. They did, however, speak to my sister to tell them how much of a liar/moron/bitch I am and that I harass and bully them. They do this to both of us, gossip about one to the other and try to get between us so I was not surprised they did this.
So, I've decided not to go, but I feel like I need to tell them sooner rather than later. I feel like shit because they'll be alone for the Christmas, but part of me thinks maybe it be a wake up call for them? All that will happen if I go is what happened to my sister last year, plus my mum gets so drunk she forgets we're even there. That and they forgot myself AND my sisters birthday's and did not even call/text us, which is super unusual as they usually make a fuss of us. They just dont care about us, themselves or anything right now.
I know there's a lot to unpack here, I just don't know what to tell them? I want something short that outlines the reason I'm not coming but I also plan to tell them that until my mum stops drinking I wont be seeing them at all. I'm really upset about everything and wish it were different but with my dad enabling my mum, nothing will change is regards to her alcoholism and our family is falling apart. I just dont know what to do or how to feel, all I know is that I dont want to go.
TL;DR; I have decided not to visit my manipulative/alcoholic parents for Christmas, or ever? but I dont know how to tell them.
Submitted December 04, 2019 at 10:04AM by lavender01 https://ift.tt/34POUDP
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