Guy I may end up dating is obese, and I'm worried about the potential health problems he may have now or in future.

I know I'm about to sound like an asshole but its something I want advice on.

I (F22) met a guy online (M32) about a month ago, and we hit it off really quick. We have lots in common, share a lot of interests and values it seems, and he seems super into me. I could see from pictures he was maybe overweight, but maybe dad-bod levels of overweight. I definitely found him attractive from pictures, he's ruggidly handsome and aesthetically is my type (tattoos, bearded etc).

The first time we met I could hardly hold back my shock when I realised he is a lot larger than I'd assessed from photos. I don't think he'd hidden the fact he's so overweight, I think the camera is just "flattering". He's definitely obese, I can't judge how much he must weigh, I'd say physically he's the size of Jonah Hill at his largest. I was taken aback, but I began to forget about it once we were chatting and getting along like we had been through messages. I didn't really think about it again until we went for drinks and I noticed how he couldn't keep up with me on the walk there.

I really realised it could be a potential problem this weekend, after we had a long day of messing around in bed. The first time we had sex it was maybe 15 mins. I really enjoyed the sex, even if it was logistically a bit different to having sex with someone slimmer. He's into rougher stuff/domination and I've been interested in the kinks he's into so it seems like a good environment/match there.

When we were done he was out of breath and sweating (cool fine, normal obviously). But this went on for a good 10 minutes - of him going from lying down panting, to sat on the edge of my bed breathing heavily, downing water, looking like he was about to pass out. I genuinely was worried, I'd never seen anyone this exhausted from intercourse (not even someone I would go at it with for an hour at a time). This happened after every time we had sex, and he couldn't last long in a lot of positions, so I was doing a lot of the work.

He messaged today joking about how much I've exhausted him, and how he thought he was going to have a heart attack. I know it was a joke but this just heightened my anxiety around the weight "issue". I am really concerned about all the health implications of his obesity. And I'm not some kind of athlete but I do want someone who can keep up with me on days out etc. .

I know a lot of people who are athletic can have health issues, and many obese people have relatively few health issues, but its clear to me that the excess weight is taking a toll on this man. I really like him, he really likes me, but I'm so fixated on the weight issue right now that its fucking with my head completely. I have a tendency to go for people who need help (one ex had a drug problem, one's mother had just died) and I really don't want this to be another case of me trying to "fix" someone.

Also I'm sure my parents and some friends won't be thrilled/will be amused if I start dating an obese guy 10 years my senior. I'd like to say I wouldn't care but that added judgement and stress isn't something I need right now.

I'm so confused right now. I really don't want to bring this up with him, because its such a sensitive issue. At the same time I don't want to go into a relationship with the attitude of wanting to change him or have him lose weight. Maybe I'm just overthinking all this?

Tl;dr

Guy I've started seeing is obese and I'm concerned about the implications this might have for his health now, or in the future - please help.

Submitted December 02, 2019 at 10:45AM by Throwaway2024875748 https://ift.tt/2rMm6ha