My sister (33F) is dealing with her son (infant) being hospitalized and her in laws (60) are crossing a line.

My sister, Andrea, and my brother in law, Nate, are both 33 and moved across the country two years ago. They have two kids, Emily (5) and Nigel (infant). My sister has always known her mother in law, Miranda (60) to be type A, and a traditional housewife who worked and does everything for her husband and son, and her father in law, Steven (60), as the executive director in his line of work. Nate- being the only child- comes from an upper class family with conservative values and had a sheltered life. Catholic school momma's boy. Andrea and I (28F) have had a very different life growing up. Middle class, parents who put us in public school and generally couldn't afford to spoil us because they worked full time. My sister has known Nate's parents for twelve years and they just seem to continue pushing boundaries. I've known them ten years myself.

 

I love Nate like a brother, but sometimes he's very clueless. He's a great worker and he loves his kids but he generally needs to be told how to help around the house when there's dishes in the sink or the kids need to be fed breakfast. He's just like his dad, so my sister generally takes care of the children after her job and he works late on weekdays.

 

This year Andrea doesn't want to do anything for Thanksgiving. Just her immediate family, no turkey or cooking. She's hosted the last four out of five at their homes. Usually she'd like to limit seeing the in laws twice a year, but Nate's parents would come once a month if allowed. Nate talked to Miranda and Steven in October and everyone agreed they'd come visit Andrea and Nate the weekend before Thanksgiving and leave on Tuesday since they're retired. Andrea was thrilled.

 

My nephew came down with RSV 10 days ago. He's been in the hospital the entire time, and Andrea has stayed with him all but two hours. Nate had to go to work so Andrea hasn't been sleeping. It's been incredibly stressful and traumatizing for her.

 

Miranda and Steven drove from 200 miles away to get to Andrea's house on Thursday so that Emily has someone to pick her up from school while Nate and Andrea are gone. All seemed fine until last night when Andrea called me in hysterics that Miranda and Steven came to the hospital almost immediately under the pretenses that Emily could see her brother (she had seen him 24 hours earlier) and were talking as if they were staying for Thanksgiving because their niece lives in town and is hosting Thanksgiving. Miranda and Steven are staying at Andrea's. When I asked if she was sure, she said they canceled their Thanksgiving plans with their neighbors 200 miles away. They didn't ask Nate nor Andrea if that's okay, nor is this the first occurrence of overstepping boundaries. I don't feel like my sister should have to tell anyone that being in the hospital is stressful and Nate knows how much stress his parents bring but in the past he has put his foot down and they've completely ignored him.

 

Andrea has been in the hospital for ten days with Nigel and her in laws already up her anxiety so Im afraid she will get no rest at home where she should be able to decompress. I don't know if I'd be overstepping boundaries by telling Nate that his wife needs approximately an entire fucking year by herself without his family members.

   

TL;DR my brother in law's parents have no boundaries and took it upon themselves to extend their visit whist my nephew is in the hospital and my sister is on the edge of a breakdown

 

Should I reach out to my brother in law or his parents to make it clear that my sister seriously should not have to tell them she wants no one for Thanksgiving?

Submitted November 23, 2019 at 02:58PM by ShrodingersLitten https://ift.tt/2KPxuj3