Hello all. I have a tricky situation with my mother, and I would really appreciate some advice on overcoming this situation. We have plans to talk about expectations and boundaries, and I could use some perspective. Firstly, I am a 25F with a college degree, my own home, a stable relationship and a professional and challenging career. My family helped me afford college (helped with unexpected bills or rent when I came up short) but I made sure to repay every penny when I got a job. I finally repaid all my debts to loved ones last year. I mention this because it was always a point of contention, and basically a trump card my mom would pull if she wanted something from me.
My parents live about 2 hours away from me, and they are both retired. Mom (55F) and Dad (53M) call or text me multiple times per day, and I think it is because they are bored. I see them at least once a month, whether they come to town and stay with me or I visit them. I call them almost every day on my way home from work, and talk for ~30 minutes as I drive home (over bluetooth). On the weekends we sometimes talk, but not at a designated time, and not every day.
I recently (last week) got into an arguement with my mother because i was very sick and stayed home from work. I had been sleeping all day and didnt call at our regular time. Instead of calling and checking on me, my mother called family friends, my personal friends, and my boyfriend to see if they heard from me. I was predictably upset and embarassed by this.
We also recently (a month ago) get into a similar arguement. My parents were in town to visit me, and had plans to stay for 5 days. They have lived most of their lives in this city, so have friends and are familiar with the city. It's not uncommon for them to come to town for doctor's appointments, haircuts, grocery shopping, etc. Of the 5 days they were visiting, we made plans before the visit for 3 of the days (one dinner, and also spending basically all weekend together). The day after our dinner, I got a phone call from my mom asking if I wanted to see her that night. Since I was planning on spending the entire weekend with my family, I schedule my chores (meal prep, cleaning, grocery store, gym) for this day and told her no. She got very upset and left town without letting me know. The thing is, I wasnt really on board with two full days back to back to begin with. I am an introvert and appreciate my personal space. However, I could tell how excited they were so I didnt say anything.
So now back to the present, thanks for sticking with me! I am struggling with my relationship with my mom, because I feel like our level of contact is more than enough. However, as I explained above, I regularly get put down because I "dont care about my family" or "dont ever call them." I dont know what to do, and at this point it just makes me not was to reach out at all.
TLDR; Mom (55F) thinks that I (25F) dont reach out or care about my family. I call almost every day and visit at least once a month. I think our current level is too far, but now Mom wants more contact?
Help me Reddit!
Submitted November 05, 2019 at 03:29PM by thisismyusernameeee https://ift.tt/32o5Vmx
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