So my husband comes from a very large family. His family is what I would consider well known/popular in the small town that we are from. In my opinion, they are pretty exclusive. When my husband and I first started dating he didn’t even want to bring me to his family gatherings because of the exclusivity. He made me feel very inferior and a precedent was set from the very beginning that not just anyone can be part of this clique.
The first few family events I actually did go to, no one spoke to me. My husband is pretty bad at breaking the ice and introductions- so I would just awkwardly hang out by his side. It was even more awkward when I would bring my daughter (From a previous relationship) because all of his cousins kids know each other and once again, no one tries to break the ice or make introductions.
On top of the awkwardness at his large extended family events, things haven’t been exactly peaches and cream with his immediate family. The first two years we were together his parents and sister pretty much ignored my existence. His brother in law deleted me off Snapchat? We were invited to a birthday dinner(I share a birthday with his sister) that I thought was for both of us, but turns out it was only for his sister. Little stuff like that just made me feel so excluded. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with his first child (their first grandchild) that I was acknowledged. Things have gotten better now, but I’m still bitter about feeling so left out the first few years we were together. I just couldn’t even fathom treating someone the way they treated me, especially someone my son/brother was dating!
The way my husband and his family treated me those first few years really damaged my confidence. I’ve noticed myself becoming much more anxiety filled and introverted. I’m also very busy with 2 kids, a full time job, and going to school part time. I can’t really handle much more stress right now. I know it sounds selfish, but I honestly have no desire to put myself through my husbands large family gatherings this holiday season. It’s very overwhelming for me, and I feel like my husband can’t fully enjoy his time with this family when I’m there. I think it would be better for him to take the kids to Thanksgiving and Christmas on his own so that he isn’t worrying about me feeling uncomfortable.
My husband is furious and says that I need to get over the past and learn to operate as a family unit. This makes me even more upset because he isn’t remotely understanding of the anxiety I’m dealing with even entertaining the idea of the holidays. I feel like if the shoe were on the other foot, he wouldn’t be amped for holidays either.
I need advice on how to handle this. We have 2 solid months of holidays ahead of us and we are already fighting. Please help!
TL;DR My husbands family hasn’t been the most accepting of me in the past and I don’t want to go to his family holidays this year.
Submitted November 02, 2019 at 07:16PM by mottlcitizen90 https://ift.tt/2PDVcBX
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