My 25M boyfriend’s boss has given him the ultimatum that in order to keep his job, he can no longer continue to date me (25 F). We’ve been together (on/off) for 4.5 years.

My (25F) boyfriend’s (25M) boss hates me. He works my boyfriend to death - seriously. The hours and workload have driven my boyfriend to insanity. He drinks to deal with the stress and has been abusing stimulant drugs to try to keep up. Hardly ever sleeps. He’ll have periodic meltdowns as a result of the stress/sleep deprivation/substance abuse/etc. and since my boyfriend doesn’t want to admit to his boss that he can’t handle the workload and is abusing substances.....somehow I’ve become the scapegoat. His meltdowns get blamed on me, when I’m the one that’s been trying to get him to see a substance abuse counselor and try to make healthy lifestyle changes. I’ve tried so hard to be a supportive girlfriend throughout the time we’ve been together but the emotional toll it takes on me to know that his boss and all his coworkers think I’m this horrible she-devil who is ruining his life...it really sucks. He keeps me so separate from his work life which makes me feel so distant from him. We both work in the music industry (he works as a booking agent/artist manager and I work as a photographer) so we commonly have to interact with the same people. Word travels fast and my reputation is starting to get damaged from his whole company thinking I’m a total monster and a disaster of a person.

My boss recently gave my boyfriend the ultimatum that he will not be able to keep his job with the company if he continues to date me.

Oh, important to know, we’ve been long-distance since 2017. He lives in New York and I live in Denver. He travels here a lot for work and lies to his boss about staying with me/seeing me.

First of all, WTF. Since when is it okay for your boss to be involved in your personal life on a level like this? Is this ever acceptable or is this a major boundary issue?

Since the ultimatum was set, my boyfriend adjusted his social media accounts to make it look like we had broken up (and has told all his friends and coworkers that we are no longer together). Me, not wanting to lose him...I reluctantly adjusted mine as well. He said he can’t like any of my tweets or Facebook posts or instagram posts. Can’t comment on anything. Basically can’t interact at all with each other. I have trust issues as it is that we’ve been working on repairing (I’m seeing a therapist, he keeps saying he’s going to but he’s yet to start seeing someone.) I’m not the type that needs my relationship to constantly be publicly announced all over social media but I would at least like it to be acknowledged. The fact that he’s telling everyone in his life that he doesn’t talk to me anymore and that we’re no longer together just makes it worse because knowing his friends, they’re going to try to set him up with someone new now that I’m “out of the picture”. He has cheated on me multiple times before. I have also cheated from a technical standpoint (I was working as a sugar baby without his knowledge and I was having periodic physical encounters with my sugar daddy. I started sugaring behind his back because we were both so broke and I wanted to help give us a leg up financially. It turned into a spiral that hurt more than it helped. As of a few months ago I no longer am maintaining sugar relationships, though I do cam on occasion with my boyfriends full knowledge and consent).

I’m trying to avoid turning this into an outrageously long post, so if anyone needs clarification on anything please just ask, but I think I’ve included most of the important details.

So, what is going on here? Am I being lied to? Is his boss just a piece of garbage? Is this too toxic to have any hope of repairing, and the fact that I’m asking about it on reddit is a telltale sign that I already know the answers here?

I love him so much - we’ve been through so much together and at the end of the day I know we genuinely do want a healthy future together more than anything else but life keeps getting in the way and making things confusing/difficult. I just feel like there’s something really off about this situation. Either he’s using this “ultimatum” as a cover up because he has a new girlfriend in New York that he’s trying to hide me from....or something else, I don’t know. It’s eating me alive. I am horrible at setting boundaries and am easily manipulated because I have extremely low self worth. I thought we were committed to changing our toxic patterns but it seems like maybe I’m the only one really on board with that.

Any input/advice/similar experiences would be really helpful here. My heart is hurting and I don’t know what to believe or what to do.

TLDR; Boyfriends boss says he can’t keep his job if he continues to date me, so now we have to hide our relationship. I’m worried I’m being lied to or that this is a major overstepping of boundaries on his bosses part. I’m confused and don’t know what to believe or what to do.

Submitted November 23, 2019 at 12:49PM by phantom_doll https://ift.tt/33ktqha