This might be a long one.
We started dating in Feb of 2017 so we've almost been together for 3 years now.
Over the course of those 2+ years we've had our couple spats but nothing too serious.
He quit his job in March of 2018 and has been jobless since. In the beginning I didn't mind because I'm all for being able to find what you want to do in life, and he still lived with his parents, and had enough money saved.
I got a new job in November 2018 working in a shoe store and really love my job.
Over the course of the years we've been together I've always been the planner, because "I don't know enough about that" was the answer I got. Fine, I love planning, but on top of that I also have things/do things he doesn't; have a license/car, I cook, I clean, I have a job, etc. In the beginning of our relationship he promised me he'd get to all of those so we could be 'equals' in this relationship. We're almost 3 years in and nothing has changed.
So in October, just before I had to go to an interview for a better position at my job, I faced him with the fact that I feel like I'm advancing in life, and he isn't, at all. This wasn't the first time I told him this, not at all. It's also not the first time I asked to find a job, so we could start looking at houses to move away from our parents. I was willing to move 80km away from home and every single one of my friends, he wasn't willing to leave his hometown. I currently live 600m away from my job, which I got that promotion for by the way. But fine. I'd move. If I felt like it was worth it all.
I felt like I had to give up ten times more than he ever had to.
I asked to put our relationship on hold because I just couldn't take all of the bullshit anymore, I told him to figure his life out, get a job, get his shit together, etc.
Last sunday he calls me and says he doesn't know if he still loves me, if he wants this relationship to continue or not.
I felt like a piece of shit. I felt guilty. Did I legit break him?
I had a phone call with his mother 2 days ago, she told me that it's very important to know that my bf is a very calm man. That he's not into politics (I know, it's why I never talk about it with him, sorry if I'm into it) and that he can get overwhelmed with me sometimes.
I honestly just wanted to respond "being calm doesn't equal being lazy". I have enough male friends who are calm as fuck, but who also do shit, who are also adults.
I honestly don't know anymore if this is going anywhere. I've promised his mother not to bother him anymore because "you're putting too much pressure on him right now" yaok. He hasn't spoken to me since monday. We have to do everything by chat because we live an hour apart.
I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, I have a ton of baggage from my youth, I have an anxiety disorder because of parental abuse and in general overthink a lot (if that wasn't clear yet lol).
Am I a shit person? For trying to change someone's way? Or am I going somewhere with my reasoning?
Any input of questions are welcome and I'm willing to elaborate even further.
TL;DR; bf and me are on a break. I feel like I'm doing all the relationship work and I get the bare minimum in return. What can I do to make him see that? Or what should I be doing instead?
Submitted November 15, 2019 at 08:24AM by yunnn https://ift.tt/2NRMhM4
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