I don't know if anyone will bother reading this, it will probably be long, I'm sure you've all got your own family drama, but I'm at a point that I don't know what to do about this situation anymore.
Recently for various reasons including a couple deaths in the family, I left my job in the city and moved in with my mother and brother Ben in a small rural town, I hadn't lived with my brother full time since I was in my early teens when we used to fight like cats and dogs, But since those days we've gotten along very well and rarely had any serious disagreements, I'd even probably describe us as close, He found himself a little bit friendless a few years back and with my blessing my group of friends started to include him in get togethers despite a decent age difference and them finding him a little much at times.
While I was still living in the city, My older brother John (29M obviously younger at the time) was living with my mother and Ben for a while, Ben and John didn't get along, Which didn't suprise me because they're almost polar opposites, John's is careful, Organised and pretty cold at times, he always knows what buttons to push to set someone off, Whereas Ben unreliable and emotional, he's always had a temper, But the worst of it normally only came out when John was goading him. Eventually John moved out partly because he couldn't stand living with Ben anymore.
Ben has never had a job, He occasionally makes very small amounts selling things online but he can't even seem to keep that up regularly. He's had a string of LDR and partly seems to avoid working because it allows him to visit his current GF (At my count he's been dumped in 7 out of 8 relationships)
My mother is kind to a fault, She's the most forgiving and loving person I've ever known and while I do love that about her, It ends up feeling like she needs protection from her own selflessness sometimes. She loves all of us greatly and I know she'd do almost anything for all of us, She wants us all to be as happy as possible and since the only job Ben has showed a vague interest in is very niche and difficult to get into ( Particularly when you wake up at 3pm) she allows him to continue living rent free and basically living like hermit.
Recently Ben's temper seems to be getting worse, My mother has historically for the most part, just left him alone when he's angry and allowed him to slam doors and swear because (Real examples) He can't get the oven to light, He lost his own wallet, He dropped a chopping board on his foot while washing it (That one was apparently my mother's fault because she left the board dirty) Any attempt to help Ben or calm him down will result in getting screamed at, But when someone else is what has angered him, The only way to get him to calm down is essentially to tell him he's right (Or at least not disagree when he tells you you're wrong) this is my mother's tactic but I find it very difficult to reward his awful behaviour like that. Ben often ends up apologizing for his behaviour, But honestly I don't want apologies, I want it to stop.
While our mother was out, Ben got angry with me this evening for using a particular kitchen knife to cut up a pizza (I couldn't find our pizza wheel) I was irritated but being confronted over such a minor thing, so I snapped and said I'd use household items how I see fit which resulted in him storming upstairs (There's nothing particularly special about this knife, But it is the largest and sharpest one in the house) We ended up arguing over text about why he's angry, when he suddenly comes downstairs in full rage mode, Normally I'd try to descalate the situation, But I was just so done tip towing around an over grown toddler in what is now my home, That I yelled back, He got even angrier and started pulling other knives out saying how I could have used them instead of the good knife! Seeing my brother with anger issues holding knives and screaming so close to me was genuinely terrifying, I asked him to step away from me which resulted in him getting even closer, screaming right in my face, when I asked him to step away again because he was now spitting at me, he intentionally spat right in my eyes, twice. I'm not sure I've ever been as angry as that moment, I really wanted to punch him but he's a good half foot taller than me so I knew full well that would only make things worse for me, I pushed him away and ran out of there shaking with rage (The push would later become a strangle hold when he recounted his version to our mother)
I genuinely don't know how to move forward, I don't think my mother would ever kick him out because he'd almost certainly end up homeless and I can't see her doing that to anyone, It might take him actually hurting one of us badly, but even then she'd probably end up forgiving him, Me moving out will take a minimum of a few months and even then I'm scared to leave my mother alone with someone like this. How can I make her understand this isn't just him "Having his father's temper" he needs genuine professional help?
TLDR currently living with adult brother with anger issues, Am scared for my and my mother's safety
Submitted November 02, 2019 at 09:17PM by throwraspit https://ift.tt/2NcFwnw
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