I am at a loss. We are not divorced, but separated 3 years ago. We have always remained friendly and help each other out. We've both been in other casual relationships on and off while we've been apart. She and I are much more like family friends now and there is no romantic love left. We share custody of our 16 year old son, but due to the nature of my job, he lives with her and I visit.
We were married for 15 years but there were issues such as depression and control issues and (unfounded) jealousy on her part, and financial issues on my part. When we agreed to separate (which I initiated), I don't think she thought it would be final and she seemed ok with it. I started doing what I wanted, such as playing sports and dating (quietly) and hanging out with friends. My life was full, whereas hers has seemed to have shrunk because she became more depressed.
In the summer I accepted a job transfer that means I will be living primarily on the opposite side of the country. I accepted this transfer because it would mean much more job security for me, and my son lives with my wife full time anyway. My plan is to come back to visit him one weekend every month (keep in mind he's 16, so it isn't like he's in elementary school....he's even able to drive now) and I've been doing that....staying with my ex and son in their apartment.
I am carving out a life for myself in my new state. I am dating someone seriously there, making friends etc. Again, it was really financially important for me to accept this transfer because my old job was not secure, and it is very difficult to get employment in my line in the city my son lives in.
However, my son is experiencing a lot of problems this year (not directly due to me moving -- he was having problems before I moved). Issues with school. Issues with depression. I pay for him to see a therapist. When I'm away I am in touch with him every day through text.
My ex wife has been shouldering the majority of this stress as I'm not there. She is also experiencing depression and finds life just very difficult. She is not dating and hasn't got many friends. She is pretty isolated. However, on the one weekend per month I stay with them, everything is apparently better for them both. My son definitely seems happier to have me around. My ex wife is much happier. She seems very relieved. She obviously enjoys the companionship, she likes cooking together, she likes having me there in general and says life seems so much less scary when I'm there. She seems to completely ignore the idea that I have a girlfriend I'm serious about back home (not meaning that she "comes onto me"....she doesn't....but she doesn't mention her in any way, completely ignores any mention of her and basically acts like we are a married couple).
But when I have to go on Monday morning (knowing I won't be back for anywhere from 5 - 7 weeks), they both become depressed and quiet. My ex wife tells me life is very very dark when I'm gone. Last time, my son started crying (which is very much out of the ordinary). I asked my wife about my son potentially coming to stay with me, but that's not really going to work either as I'm often travelling. But she was adamant that she doesn't want him to leave. I honestly don't think he would want to leave either. They both want me to move back I think.
I feel crazy guilty over all this. I don't know what to do. Am I wrong for leaving them and getting on with my own life?
tldr: I had to move for work, and left my ex wife and son in another State. I come back to visit as much as I can, but they are both doing very poorly without me and want me to come home. The guilt is eating me alive.
Submitted November 13, 2019 at 09:32AM by zaneald5 https://ift.tt/2q1Knzj
No comments:
Post a Comment