I'll start from the beginning. I was a 36 year old virgin up until yesterday. Why I didn't do it before was a mix of upbringing, being coy and shy anyway and never having met anyone who I trusted enough.
Long story short, I met someone I really like. We dated for a few times. He was married but is divorced from his wife. He has a three year old daughter who has a serious illness. I had the feeling he is a good guy and I trusted him enough after a few dates to sleep with him.
Unfortunately, the very first time, I was quite tense and bled due to a small perineal torn so we broke it up. He dealt in a very sensitive way after it. Took me in his arms and kissed me a lot.
We tried again yesterday for the second time. It was way better but this time I bled due to my hymen. It also hurt a bit. I wanted to continue but he seemed to be freaked out by the blood and stopped. He went over to the living room and watched a movie we had started.
I felt sensible as it was the first time I had sex. I went over to him. We cuddled a bit but I was a bit quiet S I needed to process my embarrassment. Embarrassed of my inexperience, being this old and being like a teenager, embarrassed I put that much on him to deal with.
He got tired and said let's get to bed and sleep. I said OK and we went over. He was cuddly at first but kept moving a lot. I was a bit agitated myself due to the situation. I feel very insecure about myself and thought I bothered him with my presence especially after the disastrous attempt at Sex.
I also had some drinks and need to go to the toilet a lot. So I went to the toilet but didn't go back to the bed as I didn't want to wake him and disturbing his sleep by moving a lot as I was restless.
He stood up a little bit later and gave me a blanket on the couch.
I didn't sleep at all. I needed to process some things.
The next morning started awkward. He asked if I wanted to eat something. I said no because I fast in the mornings. I went to the bathroom and renewed my makeup.
He asked me then why I left the bed. I told him I had a light sleep and didn't want to disturb him. Also I said, I had the feeling I freaked him out last night with my bleeding and inexperience.
He told me that he thinks it is not working out. I tried to explain but he was unresponsive. He wanted me to leave.
I got shaky and short breathed. I felt I will get a panic attack (had them before). So I left. He seemed adamant.
I am sitting in a Cafe right now and having coffee. I can't stop crying. I can't drive right now.
Please give me any kind of advice.
Tl;DR: Disastrous sex, sleep over went wrong due to my idiocy, he doesn't want to see me again, devastated,please help.
Submitted November 03, 2019 at 02:34AM by Eledhwen1 https://ift.tt/36vexvd
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