I [27f] recently found out my boyfriend [30m] pulled strings for me over a year ago that greatly helped out in my career. I feel pretty conflicted about it and he doesn't know I know. Should I tell him?

Brian and I have been together for three years. We live together and have every expectation of getting married eventually.

Anyway, he and I both work in academia, but in very different fields. I work in the hard sciences, he is much more of a humanitarian.

A little over a year ago there was a project that a senior person in my department was considering staff for. I desperately wanted to be a part of it. I applied, poured my heart and soul into my supporting papers for why I should be chosen, etc. In the end, I was selected and it has been massively beneficial to my career.

I was really really proud of that. My field is still fairly male dominated and I was really proud of myself for getting selected for this project and excelling on it, and doing it all by myself with just my own merits.

Except I didnt.

I was having a discussion with the person who selected me for the project about an unrelated subject and we wound up reminiscing a little bit.

At some point he let something slip that implied my boyfriend had called in a favor for me way back when. I was surprised. I knew my boyfriend was casually friends with this person, but it didnt occur to me that they had professional interaction. I mean, my department is STEM, my boyfriend's is humanities.

My senior wouldn't say much about it, just that he had been a little on the fence about choosing me before getting an email from an "old friend", my boyfriend, that made him sway to choosing me.

I was pretty taken aback by that. I was so proud that I had done this without needing friends in high places, and succeeding just on my own merits. My pride is hurt a little bit over it, I think.

I really appreciate that my boyfriend did something to help me out, but it hurts a little knowing I wasn't as self-made as I thought.

And my boyfriend has never mentioned it to me. Hes never said a single word about sending that e mail or knowing my superior beyond casual friendship.

Should I tell him I know? And is there anything I can do to repair my little bruosed ego now?

TL;DR: Found out my boyfriend called in a favor for an accomplishment that I thought I did all on my own. I really appreciate it, but Im also a little hurt. Best way to handle it?

Submitted November 09, 2019 at 06:22PM by OneRestaurant2 https://ift.tt/2CsVx2x