Apparently me [32M] not being empathetic enough is creating huge problems in my 2 year relationship with my GF [30F]

So once again I could need some advice from reddit.

I have been with my gf for about 2 years now and the last month have been kind of rough on our relationship.

She has a few medical problems (incredible strong migraines and nerve problems) which keep her down every so often. in Addition to that her current job situation is causing her a lot of anxiety. Of course this dampens her mood and has caused some riffs between us. At first I had some trouble dealing with this since I admit I was sometimes a bit irritated when we had to stay in for the third time in a short time period and couldn't do any activities at all.

Still, I tried to be there for her. Now the real reason I'm posting here, is that she complained from the beginning that I'm not empathetic enough and can't show her that I care, especially with words. In contrast to me, she is EXTREMELY empathetic, always knows what to say and can read the feelings of others extremely well. I guess because of that she kind of expects or wishes others and especially me were like that. While I try, I am not like that. Not that I'm cold or something, I am empathetic to her situation and try to show it, I will never be like her. I just don't know how to find the right words she wants to hear on the spot. I guess I'm more a pragmatic.

That created a lot of fights in which she accuses me of not caring or is just pissed that I didn't say the right words. Which results in me being irritated since I'm not doing it on purpose or out of vicious attempt.

Currently we have the same situation. Two days ago she felt that I wasn't empathetic enough and wasn't supporting her. (It was about her current workplace. She is trying to find a new job for some time now. I always look for current openings with her, worked on her resume and try to give her advice on the interviews. So it's not that I'm just sitting on my ass.)

I told her that I am supporting her even if I didn't say it the way she was expecting, but she didn't believe me. So now we are in the same situation as usual. She isolated herself and ignores my texts until I just show up at her door or she actually returns my calls.

This has going on the whole year and I just don't know anymore who is at fault or what to do to make it better. Seems like a vicious cycle. So any advice would be really helpful.

TL;DR: My gf thinks I'm not empathetic enough to her situation and problems. I try to be but I'm just not that way she wants me to be. Still I care for her problems and try to be there but most of the time it ends in a fight since I don't say the right words or act like she would like me to. She then pulls back and isolates herself from me until I make the first moves to break the situation. Is there a way out of that or are we just to different? Every advice is greatly appreciated.

Submitted November 09, 2019 at 01:27AM by bleeding_me1 https://ift.tt/32yqgFO