I (29) have been with my husband (30) for 4 years, married for 1. I honestly don't even know how to phrase the exact problem, because it's more like a continuous stream of little problems that all arise from my husband's immaturity.
I think a lot of stems from his upbringing. I love his parents dearly but they didn't teach him or his siblings a lot of basic life skills (I had to teach him basic hygiene things, money management, cooking, etc) and he was literally spoon fed everything his whole life - his parents would literally cook him dinner every night up until we moved out. The thing is, he isn't spoiled at all, and is actually very hard working - he is just very naive and immature. I try to be patient with him but I am getting fed up with how much this affects our relationship and how much of an emotional toll this is for me.
I feel like the mother or manager in the relationship. I feel like I constantly have to either do things myself, or monitor him to ensure things get done. This includes:
-
keeping track of plans/appointments we have, things we need to do, buy, etc - I suggested he keep a calendar or list (we tried both physical and on his phone) but neither seem to work, he ends up just relying on me to remember everything. This includes plans with his family and his own appointments.
-
I manage our finances. I've voiced multiple times that I'd appreciate help with this (I'm not an expert by any means) but when we sit and talk about things and I show him what I have he just kinda looks to see what I think we should do then agrees with me. He seems to want to help but doesn't actually do anything unless I give him specific tasks. I gave him a few specific things to manage (paying certain bills) and even those, I need to remind him about to make sure they get done every month.
-
He is continuously negligent and forgetful. He touches everything in the kitchen when handling raw chicken, forgets to wash his hands, moves my wet clothes into a pile so that instead of drying they seem like mildew, etc. I correct him when he does those things, and he says he will stop, but things don't change.
Also, his immaturity has affected our sex life. In the early stages of our relationship whenever I would bring up anything sexual it's almost like he... didn't know how to handle it..? So he would respond with childish humor. And while I'm all on board with being silly and ridiculous, the way he went about it was just... the opposite of sexy (think of the level of humor of kids giggling at the word penis in school). This resulted in us not flirting at all, not really talking about sex besides when we discuss this issue, and our sex life declining. Nowadays we have sex maybe once a month at best. We have talked about it, and I told him I'd like him to take this as his "project" to fix and he said he will make more effort. And... nothing has improved. He has expressed he would also like for things to get better, but again, if I don't do anything about it, it just doesn't get fixed.
All our arguments about these things go the same way. I bring it up. He gets defensive. I try my best to explain to him that I am upset and why, and that I just need him to listen. He eventually listens and realizes that I have a point. He becomes really apologetic and says he will stop. He seems really genuine and I believe he really does want things to change. Things are better for a short length of time, then go back to how they were. Rinse and repeat. It's almost like these things honestly don't occur to him unless I actively tell him to do something or am actively mad about it. I'm tired of feeling like his mother.
I don't think he does any of this on purpose, and has no ill intentions. This doesn't change the fact that all this stuff has me at my wits end. I just want to fix things and don't know if I need to take a new approach that I am not seeing. What do I do?
TL;DR: husband is continuously immature and irresponsible, and it is starting to make me resentful. I want to fix things. What do I do?
Submitted August 23, 2019 at 07:33AM by NotPrincessLeia https://ift.tt/2HmRrvI
No comments:
Post a Comment