Together for about 8 years, married for 3 of them. The other night my wife came out to me as bi, or as least bicurious. To preface, we have never had any issues of dishonesty or infidelity. We have always been a pretty open couple and have had one MFM threesome in the past. We have been on the lookout for a FFM threesome should the opportunity ever present itself, but this can be kinda hard to find the right woman for this. For one, my wife is very picky and wants both physical attraction and chemistry. And two, ensuring that the partner is clean is obviously really important. Needless to say, we haven’t found that right person for a threesome as an outlet for her to explore this side of her. I have always known she’s attracted to good looking women, but I hadn’t realized the extent that her desire has built.
My wife brought up that she is much more likely to be able to have a sexual encounter and explore her curiosity if I am not involved. My wife is very attractive and does get hit on by other women pretty often when we are out together. She thinks the fact that I am there scares them away. She asked if I would ever consider letting her have a one night stand, alone, with another woman. I was really surprised by this. On the one hand, I don’t want to hold my wife back from anything in life. On the other hand, I can’t help but feel uneasy with this idea and that is doesn’t set well with me and our monogamous relationship. I told her I really don’t like the idea and don’t think I could be ok with her doing that. I told her that I would love to help her explore this curiosity of hers, but I think it needs to be done as a couple, together. I even suggested that we could have a threesome with another women to the extent that I would only be involved with my wife, and allowing her the chance to explore with another woman.
I asked her about the threat her suggestion could have on our relationship. She denied that there is any possibility of catching feelings for a girl, which is clearly naive and a big red flag to me.
She then asked me a question that threw me a curveball. She stated “don’t you think there will be a time sometime in the future when we would want to open up our marriage?” I looked at her stunned because we have never talked about such a thing in our relationship. We have always said we were strictly monogamous or would explore things together. I told her no, that’s not why I got married and that isn’t what I want for our marriage. She clarified to state she was only talking about women, not men. I asked her if I was bi curious if she would feel comfortable with me going home with a guy alone. She responded with “if you really wanted to explore that side of you”. I wish I had thought to ask how she would feel if I wanted to sleep with other women. In opening up our marriage, why should it matter what genitals that person has?
We are going through somewhat of a pretty rough patch. We started dating when we were 23 & 21 and have changed a lot since we first got together. We grew up, and in some ways have grown apart. We love each other immensely and want to start a family together. We share the same values and she is my best friend. We are both deeply in love with each other. But in some ways, we have very big differences and we have both been questioning our compatibility. The recent question regarding her sleeping with other women is just a highlight of this.
I told her that if this is something she wants, I can’t tell her no but I can’t be with her. I also told her that if she ever thinks we will get to the point of her needing an open marriage to be happy, to tell me now because I’d rather know, because it’ll be a deal breaker then just like it’s a deal breaker now.
My wife was crying as we talked. I was grateful that she was honest with me, but hurt by what she wanted. She told me that our relationship was more important than anything else and that none of this was more important to her over being with me. I couldn’t help but feel like she was slightly backpedaling due to me demonstrating that I wouldn’t be ok with an open marriage. I think it took her seeing this as a deal breaker to me to realize maybe her request isn’t worth what’s at stake.
The way we left things was that it wasn’t going to happen with her and another girl alone. But I simply can’t forget about this after her opening Pandora’s box. How do I know if we are truly compatible? Should I see this as a red flag? How do I navigate these murky waters? How do I not compromise my marriage while also allowing my wife to explore something about her that she hasn’t known before? How can we grow from this and enhance our marriage and become a stronger couple?
Just to add, we are both getting into individual counseling and will transition that to marriage counseling if needed. We both have issues we need to work on in ourselves and strive to better ourselves and our marriage.
Thank you for reading.
TLDR: Wife revealed she is bicurious and asked to explore alone with another woman. I’m not comfortable with this and it is a deal breaker for me. Where do we go from here?
Submitted June 03, 2019 at 02:10PM by throwaway2daypls http://bit.ly/2EPUAmG
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