My [28 M] partner [28 M] wants to follow his dream and I don't know what to do

Ok, so for some backstory. My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years now. Ever since I met him he's wanted to be a ballet dancer (his dream). With that career comes the potential for moving around from ballet company to ballet company trying to find one that wants you and one that you want. Over the years he's moved twice to be at two different ballet companies which resulted in us doing long distance both times.

The sucky part is that neither company has worked out. He hasn't gotten past the apprentice position yet. Now, throughout all of this I have been supportive and, begrudgingly, accepted that if he found a company to call home that I would end up moving to be with him.

About two years ago (before his second ballet company position) he toyed with the idea of dancing on a cruise ship because his auditions weren't going well. Several of his friends are currently doing it or have done it and they have painted a great picture of the job to him. When he told me this idea I immediately shot it down.

If you aren't familiar with cruise ship jobs, it entails being away for long periods of time with minimal contact. I can't visit often because doing so would require large amounts of vacation days which I don't have. I told him that I was ok with moving around the U.S. for his ballet companies, but cruise ships are crossing the line. It's not something I'm ok with and I told him that if he chose to do it then I wouldn't want to be in the relationship anymore. He was sad but accepted it and moved on.

Fast forward a bit and he's finishing up his first year at his second ballet company. It didn't work out. He auditioned for new companies and it didn't work out. He's very sad about this because of his age. 28 years old is getting towards old for ballet especially when you haven't even been a true company member a single time. He decided that he was going to do audition season one more time and if he didn't get anything that he was going to quit ballet.

During this waiting period until the next audition season, he's been living with me and he became a personal trainer and devoted all his time to it to the point where it's become his new obsession. Then came audition season and he still didn't get any job offers. I was slightly relieved if i'm being honest because the whole ballet thing was stressing me out too. "Is he going to move again? Where will it be? Is it going to work out?" I just want to be a bit more stable at this point and with his new personal training job I thought everything was good.

Then he made a new announcement. He told me he was going to audition for a cruise ship and that it didn't matter what I said, he was going to do it. I was a bit taken aback by that, but I didn't say anything. He went to the audition, and it went well. They offered him a job on a cruise ship that travels between australia and southeast pacific. So his home base would be Australia during contract.

Needless to say my heart sank when he told me. He said he didn't know what to do. They want him to respond by this coming Monday and if he accepts then he'd leave next month to start his contract. If he doesn't accept then he gets blacklisted for the cruise line and can no longer get a job for them. He knows the relationship is over if he accepts, but he also knows it's a chance to start up his dance dream again. He kept asking me what he should do and I wouldn't tell him because I don't want to decide for him.

What I did do is I gave him something to think on if he stays with me. Hopefully to help him make a decision that will make him happiest. I told him:

1. Pick what will make you happiest and the thing you'll least regret.

2. If you stay with me, no more dance as a career. You can do it for fun and side jobs, but almost 4 years into a relationship I'm tired of the will he/won't he aspects of the his dance career.

3. He needs to help out financially more. Over these years he hasn't been paying rent while he lives with me or for half the food we eat because he's never had money due to dance. He still doesn't make a whole lot as a personal trainer because he's new. This cruise ship job would pay him more than he's ever had his whole life though.

He didn't say anything after I told him these things. And he still hasn't made a decision. At this point I'm thinking I should tell him to take the job. In my head it makes me a little sad that he's still deciding. It makes me sad he chose to audition even though he knew what would happen if he accepted, but that means it must have been that important to him. So if he does stay with me will he just resent me? Will he be miserable knowing I made him end his dream when he still had a chance?

TL;DR! My partner wants to follow his dream which involves dancing. A new job opportunity arose which allows him to dance on a cruise ship. I told him that I was not ok with that choice, but he still auditioned. He got the job. Now he's deciding whether to keep the relationship going or to dance on the cruise ship. I don't know if I should just tell him to take the job for fear of resentment and making him miserable the rest of his life.

Submitted June 15, 2019 at 08:47AM by Sniggleroar http://bit.ly/2WE5dPq