It's starting to dawn on me [18f] that my dad [53] is abusive and I may have to phone the police on him and that scares me

My mother [55] came into my room to talk to me about my dad's behaviour just now; she told me that she wants me to tell her as soon as he lays a hand on me with intent to harm.

This was prompted by an incident that happened in the kitchen as I was doing the dishes and it all started with a pudding cup. To put it simply, I forgot that I already had a pudding cup after dinner 4 hours ago. This happens due to medical reasons that I sometimes have a bad memory (I can be airheaded, oblivious, and dense). I explained that I forgot, my dad claimed that I was lying and making excuses and wouldn't allow me to say that I just simply forgot and he cant and wont understand how my brain works and how I think (I'm on the autism spectrum, possibly from him).

Reddit, he went ballistic. He stood so close to me he could have leaned forward a couple of inches and his entire body would be touching me (especially pinning me to the sink) and bellowed in my ear for about a minute, right in my ear. As an autistic person, loud noises so close to me and so suddenly causes me stress and anxiety. It was a miracle I forced myself to lack a response. My mother told me that when I turned away to continue the dishes, he had backed up a it, then turned around suddenly and stormed up behind me with his fist positioned near my head to punch me, but stopped when my mom hissed "Don't you dare". She had to do this twice and then physically restrain him the second time before he left. I didn't notice this.

He has done this to her many times during their relationship of 19 years. She would say something he didn't personally agree with and he would make that motion, threatening to cause physical harm, before he would stop himself and instead smack a chair or the table. Or scream, yell, bellow, or shout.

His anger is horrendous. If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum and sulks. Only he can make jokes about you, no matter if you don't find it funny however you cant make a joke about him otherwise he will get pissed. He can't laugh at himself. If I'm having a conversation with my mom about something that doesn't concern him, if he overhears something he doesn't like, he will barge in and force himself into the conversation. A good example is a post I made on r/childfree that I will link if someone asks.

He has to be in control. Early on in my parents' relationship, he would trynd persuade my mom to stay with him.instead of see her friends or family. My mom isn't as much if a pushover as I am and she didn't back down. I'm proud of her for that. In addition to this, he will try and persuade her from buying something she wants (like a teapot or a mug, really stupidly small things) and tell her it's not needed however he will splurge on a 4K television and an Xbox One X that he didn't need (as he already had a good TV and an Xbox One) and tell mom to shut up if she complains about it. However saying that, he has always been lenient with me growing up, whereas my mom was the one who can't cut the apron strings. But now and again he will try to dominate either one or both of us. Mom can break it just fine, but I can't otherwise he will get angry. One example of him getting angry with me in regards to domination and control is tickling. Ever since I was little, he tickled me, even though I hate it.Ive explained to him and my mother that it makes me feel threatened and I am blamed if I wet myself when he tickles me, even if I war him that I will. He will try and corner me or pin me to something and tickle me until I cant breathe and I went myself. His excuse is "Your laughing so you obviously like it!" But I don't! I hate it, Reddit. Especially being autistic, I have sensory issues and touching me when I'm unaware of it or don't want to be caused an immense amount of stress on me. Adding onto the feeling of being attacked, with no escape, and often to the point I completely soak my underwear and trousers wITH PISS AT AGE 18 LIKE A GODDAMN TODDLER WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BETTER BLADDER CONTROL is ridiculous. It's worse when he disregards my feelings and blames me soiling myself on me. I told my mother what he did and she told me that when she spoke about it to.him, he told her "So I can't touch my own daughter when I want too? She's my daughter, I can touch her when I want." and got really pouty and sulked.

He also has to be right all the time. An example of this was the pudding cup incident tonight and that's the best one I can remember at the moment. He thinks he knows me "because I have lived with you for 18 years and am your father" when in fact he doesn't. He doesn't know what goes through my head, he doesn't know what my thought pattern or train of thought is like, and he doesn't know how my brain works. Not fully. I tried to sound as calm as possible when I said this to him. I think he saw nothing but red. I think I should elaborate on this. He gives me the impression that if he ignores the fact that I am autistic (as well as other mental health issues but I wont go too.in detail at the moment) then I am not, and I'm just making excuses. Excuse. That's his favourite word with me when we have an argument. What I believe are rational, justifiable reasons to things, he regards them as excuses. Is this to make himself feel good? Is this a power thing? I don't know, but what I do know is that its infuriating to be belittled like this while knowing I can't do shit about it otherwise I risk a slap so hard my jaw might dislocate or worse. When I was a baby, I suffered with a bad case of colic and while I am not blaming what my dad did entirely on him since he was sleep deprived, he went into my room, picked me up, and smacked me hard on the thigh when I was 2 months old, then refused to give me to my mother and it was only when his mother got involved that he relented. My mother almost kicked him out that night. She told me she's thought about doing it many times throughout the years.

But what makes me feel guilty is thinking what I am thinking now. Other than what I have spoken about above, he is good. We can joke together, have a laugh, have deep conversations, he gives amazing life advice, he buys me what I want if we can afford it, he makes me food and coffee prompted and when mom is out of town we can snack on whatever we desire, and he's otherwise spoiled me. That's the main reason for my guilt, because he's done so much for me that to label his as a possible candidate as an abusive person makes me feel rotten.

Reddit, what I'm really trying to ask is what would happen if I was to make the phone call. My mother told me, after having to sneak upstairs and talk really quietly so he wouldn't hear us, is to tell her if he smacks me or threatens me with intent to harm, and it's likely that police would be involved for a case of domestic abuse. What would happen if that call was to be made? How would my mother and I be able to deal with that? Without him we would probably be even more poor than what we already are and maybe in some sort of assisted housing (we live off benefits, dad is unemployed, and my mother is disabled).

TL;DR> it's possible that I might have to call the police on my own dad if he hits me one more time, and it has taken me 18 years to realise that he is sometimes abusive to me and my mother. Admitting it is making me feel rotten. If any other memories or other reasons to update come to mind that don't need a whole new post to themselves, I'll add it here.

Submitted June 02, 2019 at 03:54PM by total_human_disaster http://bit.ly/2Xm3e3j