Usually she’s constantly teasing everyone in every situation, this is usually not mean or sarcastic so everyone laughs along, but sometimes it takes a really, really nasty turn.
In the beginning I thought I'd won the jackpot. She’s beautiful, I know everyone says and feels that about their SO but she turns a lot of heads on the streets. She’s actually funny. She has interesting hobbies, she’s an adrenaline junkie tbh! She has an amazing job, well paying, high status, few hours. And she seems to love me more than I love her! Everyone likes her too, my buddies, my dad, even my mom who never thinks anyone is good enough for his only boy. She’s extremely extroverted, like the star of every gathering, everyone in my complex knows her a week after we start dating, people even I don’t know say hi to her in the elevator.
But then things happen, she does stuff that really bother me on a moral level.
The first time I saw her mean side is seven months into the relationship. She’s babysitting her brother’s 7 year old son, who is a bit, well, chubby. We’re watching TV and I get up to go get us something to eat from the kitchen, I ask the kid if he wants some ice cream or something and he says yes please, and she starts berating him in a very rude, mean spirited way. I don’t remember the details but these are some of the things she says to the kid in two minutes: “loser” “You don’t need ice cream you fatass, you already look disgusting” “I can’t believe we’re related”, “I you were mine I wouldn’t give you anything to eat for a whole year”, “no-one will ever like you”, “you better start liking boys because no girl will ever like you”, “you make me wanna vomit”… So I’m standing there in shock, the kid is not laughing, just looking down, and she thinks this is the funniest thing in the world for some reason. I don’t confront her in front of the kid because I don’t want to cause a bigger scene but I’m fuming mad, that night we have a big fight. She thinks I’m acting like a little girl, he has to lose weight, I’m doing it out of love, it’s none of your business, I tell her she’s a bully and she says “so what? Bullying’s good”. I leave that night really confused and angry. I was really, really mad. I kept remembering the kid’s face and I felt very sorry for him.
Next morning she calls and we meet up and she apologizes to me and calls her nephew in front of me to apologize. Says she had a bad headache yesterday and didn’t mean anything she said. We make up and move on. But I start noticing more and more things that could be categorized as mean spirited and manipulative. She’s mean to all service-persons, cashiers, doormen, servers… And not mean as in rude, but as in “fucking with their heads and ruining their days” kind of mean. Examples: we go to my friend’s restaurant and she’s super nice to our waitress, strikes a conversation about her necklace and how classy it looks and talks to her for like five minutes. Now my friend, her boss, sees this and is obviously happy that we’re having a good time, he’s a people pleaser and like nothing more than making his friends happy. At the end of the evening when we’re about to leave he comes to our table and asks how was everything, my gf thanks him and then adds “you need to be nicer to your staff, I would’ve never taken you for a mean boss in a million years”. Now during the conversation with the waitress my friend never even came up, this was out of nowhere and based on nothing. He’s obviously shaken, and asks how come but she just laughs it off and changes the topic. The next time we go to his restaurant we find out the waitress has been let go.
Another example: her assistant has kidney stones and needs to go to the hospital to take them out by surgery, she’s been begging her for time off because she’s in pain, and I’m listening to the conversation over phone, my gf starts asking personal, medical questions like “how bad is the pain”, “is there blood in your pee”, “how long will the operation take”, “how much will the operation cost”, “how did you get this in the first place”, “we’re really busy this week, you have to wait at least a couple of day”, “I need to be able to rely on you”. So after the phone ends I ask her wtf is she doing and she can easily find a temporary replacement, but she says she has a very important position and if her assistant wants to do something that matters with her life she needs her so she can ask her to wait. And I’m like, yes but why would you? She just looks at me like I’m crazy.
The worst thing she ever did however was last week. We’re coming out of a shopping mall and this really old, homeless man comes up to us and before he can even ask us for money, she looks at him and says “oh sweetie you smell awful, how long has it been since you took a shower? Do you smell that!?” the man is just shocked. He starts swearing at us “rich assholes” and suddenly my girlfriend spits on him. So I’m trying to defuse the situation and the homeless man is swearing at us both. Since this is a high end fashion mall cops show up out of nowhere in less than a minute. My girlfriend starts crying and tells the cops the homeless man spat on her and that he has exposed himself to us. The man is taken away and I don’t even know what to do I just tell the officers that he’s drunk and he didn’t do anything. In the parking lot she’s giddy and giggly and I just break down. I tell her that I can’t see her anymore and that she’s mean to everyone but me and that I can’t even understand why she just did what she did to that poor guy. At first she’s apologetic but then she turns the tables on me and starts calling me “weak” and “pathetic” and that a real man would have broke the homeless man’s neck for bothering her with his disgusting smell. So I end things right there and call a cab home.
Now I’ve been thinking about all of this for a couple of days, and she’s been calling every day leaving me messages that we can mend things and that she still loves me. Truth is I still love her too, very much so, and she has never been like this with me, ever. She’s never been anything other than kind and nice. But there are dozens of these examples of her being like this to people. I don’t know what to do. Am I over-reacting? She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, at one point I was seriously considering marrying her.
TL;DR : My girlfriend is mean to other people for no apparent reason and she thinks I'm too soft for objecting to her behavior.
Submitted June 02, 2019 at 02:33AM by Orogonoria http://bit.ly/2JRXKu4
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