Previously posted on JustNoSO. Advised that this is the place for it:
My (32F) SO (28M) is split between a JustYES and JustNo. His good side is wonderful and he can be so thoughtful and supportive. The issue occurs whenever he is challenged, criticised in any way or asked to do anything to help (ie housework).
He will go over the top to make sure whatever happened is my fault. This incident occurred over a month ago, but it still affects me and is making me question our relationship further.
So, to paint a picture and provide context, I'm a law school graduate, but suffer crippling low confidence, anxiety and depression. I am under the care of a doctor and on medication. I'm awaiting therapy. My lack of confidence means that despite having an excellent degree, I work a dead-end, minimum wage job. This fact contributes to the state of my mental health. I feel lost.
In an effort to combat this, I had waited a full year to apply to a graduate recruitment scheme, which I actually stood a really good chance of getting (between my skill set and education). I really wanted a shot at this.
Part of the application was a maths based aptitude test. It was on the more difficult end of the scale and maths isn't my strong point. Strictly timed and complex, I studied for it in advance. You only get one shot at this. Slipping up by a mere minute is enough to throw the test and therefore the whole application.
It's pretty horrible.
Anyway, to the JustNO moment in question.
I take over the livingroom for the 20 minute assessment. I tell him what I'm doing. He knows all of the above.
I close the door, set my laptop and notes up. I'm no more than 10 minutes in and he bursts in with the dog. The dog jumps up, he starts talking to me and the complex calculation I was in the middle of was lost. I shouted at him to get out (I went into a panic) and he huffed and puffed and went out the room. By the time he left, I had lost my train of thought and so much time on the assessment that my application was thrown. I broke down crying.
Why did he interrupt knowing what I was doing? Because he was going to go to the gym and wanted to "say goodbye".
I took a breath and tried to explain to him what had just happened. I told him I didn't blame him if he had forgotten what I was doing or the importance of it. That what happened had effectively thrown my application and I'd now need to wait another year.
I told him I wasn't angry, but I was upset.
His response is what concerns me:
- he denied forgetting what I was doing when he burst in.
- he stated that he "had to" interrupt me to say goodbye because I had (allegedly) implemented this huge rule that he has to say goodbye before he leaves the house or I'll turn into a rage beast (I pointed out that if be truly wanted to say goodbye he could have texted me. He said he "wasn't doing that").
- if I couldn't handle the stress of his interruption then I couldn't have handled the job (the job wasn't maths related, and besides WTF)
- and my personal favourite "Rosington2010, maybe you're not as clever as you think you are?"
(He was furious at me for shouting at him to leave the room when he had burst in. He ignored me for a significant part of the day).
I'm still hurting over the last comment in particular. I can feel myself starting to resent him for it.
I don't know what to do. I'm so vulnerable at the moment.
Advice and perspective wanted. I can't talk to him because, well, of the way I know he will respond. This isn't an isolated incident.
TL;DR: my SO knowingly interrupted an important application and, instead of apologising, twisted it round so it was my fault. He thinks I'm stupid and so his interruption didn't matter.
Submitted March 28, 2019 at 11:47PM by Rosington2010 https://ift.tt/2I0B74L
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