I'm 25, my boyfriend is 29. We've been together 4 years, lived together for 3.
I'm trying to decide whether or not to move out of my boyfriend's house. We've lived together for three years. I love him a lot, and I feel like it's been a great relationship. The house is his, I just pay part of the mortgage and utilities (he's an engineer and I'm a student, so he makes a lot more than I do).
He never--EVER--cleans up after himself. When we first started dating, I always made it really clear that I'm not looking to be anyone's wife, I'm not the type of girl who wants to clean all day and raise kids. That isn't me. When we first moved in together he was a bit messy but it wasn't like he never cleaned. Then, over time...I started doing more and more of the cleaning. I fully realize that this is partially my fault, because I would clean up after him and he would get used to it.
But it's gotten totally out of hand. He will leave dirty dishes until there's mold growing in them. I've seriously found cereal bowls in his office that were full of maggots. I have never seen him vaccuum or wipe down a surface. And I can't live in the mess, so it seems like I end up cleaning everything because I won't stay sane otherwise.
I've tried talking to him about how much this stresses me out. I've tried having serious talks about it, and I've tried being light and offhand like "Hey man, could you take out the trash today?" He NEVER does any chores on his own, he'll only do it if I ask. And usually he'll only do it after I've been asking for a few days. And usually there's some sighing and some eye rolling, like "Why is this such a big deal?"
Occasionally he'll make a big effort and get something clean, but it's very, very occasionally. Like once or twice a year.
I'm tired. I feel like he's not taking me seriously. I feel like he doesn't understand why it would be an issue for someone to live surrounded by trash and mold and gunk. And I feel like he doesn't think my time is as valuable as his. And any time I try to bring it up or talk about it, he's annoyed, or "doesn't want to deal with this right now."
So I'm really thinking about moving out. The upsides: a much shorter commute, and a clean living environment.
The down sides: living alone for the first time in my life, it's more expensive, and I'd lose him. Also, we have a dog, and I'm not sure I'd be able to take him with me. But I love that dog D':
I know I'm not putting this in the best light, but other than being a total slob he's a pretty great guy. He's done a lot for me. He's kind, intelligent, fit, going places in life, and we have a lot of great conversations and fun adventures together. I don't know that I want to lose the relationship. But I'm so insanely tired of being uncomfortable in my living environment.
Advice?
TLDR Summary: My BF and I have been together 4 years. We're both busy. He never cleans up after himself and I'm sick of doing it. Should I move out?
Submitted March 03, 2019 at 03:11AM by brimaiski https://ift.tt/2TwUTuS
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