tldr I've been married to my husband for 8 years (F35, M35). He resents me for influencing his decisions about how he earns his money. He keeps choosing to do shady things and taking unethical shortcuts when he doesn't have any need to. My salary has covered us all these years and weve been fine. I know the resentment he feels is real because it's been brought up every year for the past 8 years.
We've had many happy days, but this issue always comes up a few times a year. Ive tried to resolve it each year and I always walk away from our talks thinking that's it we've finally addressed it. But then it comes up again a few months later and sours the week, if not more. he asks me why I discouraged him from doing this thing or that thing, preventing him from making lots of money. he asks me why i had to get involved. even when i stopped getting involved, he'll bring up the past when i was more involved. he clearly hasnt mentally moved on, but he physically hasnt moved on either and found something positive to replace the resentment. he might not ever, with this attitude of dwelling in past losses.
the thing is, it's all talk. he just brings it up in anger or when he feels emasculated i guess. or maybe pride? idk. but he'll get in a mood about it, call me evil, talk about my family, and how we're all conspiring to keep him down (we're not. we haven't even spoken to them for the last few years). Even when we're in a good mood, he'll slip in some passive aggressiveness about this issue somehow.
Do i just keep focusing on the good days and tolerate his resentment? Am i wasting my time building a life with someone who keeps telling me he doesnt trust me and wants me to shut up about his actions? I feel like my life is going fine otherwise. i dont have any resentment against him. I feel bad for him not getting any stable work but I think we're responsible for our own actions. On the other hand he keeps trying to make me responsible for his lack of employment. We're nearly forty and idk what the point of staying married is if hes just going to to treat me like some sort of enemy this whole time. we dont have kids, but can you imagine?
Submitted April 03, 2023 at 12:37PM by vapidrhubarbpie432 https://ift.tt/d0RrSJj
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