My partner is a very blunt individual who has no issue speaking her mind and telling you exactly what she thinks. There are a lot of positives to this in that I always know where I stand with her, I have a lot of trust that when she talks to me she is telling the truth and frankly it can sometimes make me see her as a badass which is a bit of a turn on so this is not a complaint about that particular personality trairt. The issue is that while she is comfortable criticising me affirming words do not come easily to her which can often make it feel like she only sees the negatives in me. On top of this It often makes it difficult for me to relax around her because I feel like almost anything I do or say will be criticised somehow.
The other night she had a few of her co workers over for dinner (she is a scientist) and I found the conversations that we had very stimulating and I had a very good time. The next day when we were hiking I told her I was a tad jealous she had friends that watched so many documentaries and had such diverse knowledge between them and her instant response was a version of "Everyone is like that and I am often shocked by the things that you don't know". There are many instances like this and sometimes when she is tired I feel like I cant say anything without a reprimand but moments like that make me seriously wonder if my partner actually sees the good traits in me as clearly as the bad ones.
This has been a strain on the relationship since until recently my self love wasn't where it should be. I am now at a point where when I hear comments like this I don't internalise them as much as I used to. I am comfortable with my intelligence, I am confident in my conversation skills and I am ok with not knowing or being good at everything. In the past I've been a bit too sensitive to her blunt talking but now I am relaxed, I feel I can step back and look at it objectively and I have decided I am really not a fan of it.
Is there any advice for how to proceed with this? She is a woman of action more than words and I know she wouldn't stick with me and see me all the time if she didn't have a net positive of respect for me but this in tandem with "words of affirmation" being my primary love language has not sat well with me. Is it something I need to get over or is it reasonable to expect that she can think before she talks even when she is tired and grumpy?
TLDR: my partner is blunt and I often find her criticisms a bit overbearing and hard to deal with
Submitted November 07, 2022 at 02:58PM by ichater https://ift.tt/CEdnHfP
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