We (35m 26f) broke up for a week and reconciled. Now a month later, find out she slept with someone during that week - an ex. I'm struggling badly. Should I move forward or move on?

35m 26f. 3-4 Months.

edit to add: she initiated the break-up

Why can't I bring myself to be okay with this?

By every rational metric, this should not be a problem - we were not together, and there was *seemingly* no expectation of getting back together. There was no commitment, no arrangement. That should be the end of it, shouldn't it?

Yet somehow I still find myself bothered, and unsure if I can can move forward without resentment. Up until this point, I had no indication or even an inkling that she had been with anyone in that time span, given how short it was; that it was an honest separation for her mental benefit.

Maybe it still was and I'm the one being a child about this.

Still, I feel insignificant and worthless. I feel almost betrayed somehow, which doesn't really make sense. It feels like the reasoning behind the breakup ("my mind is telling me i should be alone for awhile") wasn't real, like she needed to see him again to "really find out". That might not even be the case, and while she's said as much I'm hesitant to believe that.

If she was that quick to sleep with someone else, what does that say about me? What does it say about her? Does it even matter?

The person was an ex-boyfriend of many years whom she is still friends with, break up being last summer (2020). During our talk she'd said it wasn't intentional, it wasn't planned, and that it didn't feel right doing it. She was upset about our breakup, and it just 'happened'. The word 'accident' was used. I can't get the image of them having sex out of my head right now.

She feels that she didn't do anything wrong, and while I'm inclined to agree on that point, I'm still really cut up about it.

Also, far as I know it was unprotected sex, so now I feel anxious about that. I have always made sure to get a blood test between every partner, protection or not, trying to be responsible as best I can.

I feel disrespected, but I don't know that these are valid concerns. I can't think straight.

I've communicated all my feelings about this to her, including being conflicted. I can't seem to consolidate my feelings and don't want to leave her wondering, that isn't fair to either of us.

This came as an absolute shock to me and I'm struggling to process it rationally.

I'm at odds with myself because there is no reasonable expectation that she wasn't going to sleep with anyone, but also no expectation that she WAS going to, let alone with an ex, and I feel absolutely miserable. As much as I want to be okay with it and try to work through things, there's a part of me screaming that it's time to go.

What things should I be considering to help me come to terms with this and decide on the best way forward? Is there even a way forward? I'm spinning.

Sorry if this is convoluted.

tl;dr broke up for a week, she slept with her ex, we got back together, found out/she told me, don't know if I can continue with this relationship or if I should even try

Submitted November 04, 2021 at 03:20AM by Reasonable_Potato420 https://ift.tt/3bF6nEb