This is an extremely specific situation so I'm sure that if anyone I know uses reddit they'll immediately figure out that it's me, but hey, that's what throwaways are for, amiright?
So, my older sister was never around much. She moved away when I was a kid and lived hours away, never visited, never called much except for the occasional christmas, and just generally wasn't much a force in my life. I always knew she existed and there was some big row between her and my parents and that's why they didn't talk much, but that's about it. She's a complete stranger to me and always has been, but recently (about 2-3 years ago) she suddenly moved back here and started wanting to get all close to us again. Even still, we never really talk much. We've had maybe three full conversations in that time.
My mom's constantly been going on and on about this big family secret involving my sister, wanting to tell me but also not wanting to at the same time, and I repeatedly kept going "yeah I don't care that much, this family already has enough drama, don't beat yourself up about not telling me whatever it is bc I kinda don't want to know." So, I was left in the dark, but didn't really mind. However, a few days ago, my mom decided that I actually really, really needed to know right away because she didn't want my sister telling me first. And so, she explained that she's actually infertile and me + all my siblings are adopted which - okay, kinda guessed that one deep down already, you don't learn genetics in middle school biology class and then walk away not questioning why your parents both have blue eyes and your brother has brown. But, the big thing, is that estranged big sis is actually the person who gave birth to me.
I'm..... not actually worked up about any of this. Like, at all. My mom (my real mom, the one who raised me) means a lot to me, she's always been there for me when I needed her, there's been some hiccups here and there but we love each other and lot and she gave me a pretty happy childhood. And I haven't particularly changed how I feel about my "sister" either, aside from the awkwardness and "oh so THAT'S what that was about" realizations every five minutes. I haven't suddenly developed an emotional connection with her or particularly want one. I'm not mad at her for leaving or anything either, I had a good childhood and I totally understand why she did what she did (like, if I had a kid when I was still pretty much a kid myself and had to watch it grow up right next to me but not be a part of that, whether it was my choice or not, it'd crush me too). I don't feel any one particular way about her at all in either direction; she's still just some random relative I've heard some things about but don't know.
All that backstory aside, even though I haven't changed my feelings about any of this and don't really give half a shit.... she does. She moved back here to try and have a relationship with me, she's been buying me small gifts (which I didn't find odd at l bc she does that for my brothers too so I thought even though she doesn't know me she didn't want me to feel left out, but now with this knowledge..... y'know), and trying to suddenly act like a parental or guiding figure. I always felt like whenever we happened upon each other in the last couple years, like, during christmas parties, or just because she was coming over for lunch, she would always seem to act like we were way closer than we actually are. Like, lady, you seem cool enough, but I don't even know you and you certainly don't know me. And know that she knows I know, she's most likely going to try really hard to insert herself into my life and I'm just not sure if I'm okay with that. I'm not good with strangers, I was a shut-in for years, and I'm an extremely shy and self-contained person, but suddenly there's all this expected emotional contact with someone I barely know and it's just. A lot.
I don't know how to set boundaries with her, bc, once again, I don't know her. At all! I don't know how she communicates, I don't know how she reacts to other people's communication, I don't know how she deals with people backing up, whether she'll take it personally or not. And this is a really, really, complex situation like - so many layers on top of everything now. And it's not like I want nothing to do with her, getting to know her a bit would be cool and she seems nice enough, but I don't want nor need the sudden mother-daughter bond she seems to be going for.
Tldr; estranged older sister I've barely met is actually my biological mother, now everything is awkward and I have no clue how to act with her.
Submitted November 07, 2021 at 10:59PM by throwaway193735w628e https://ift.tt/3qloSWK
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