I (34, F) am somewhat active, but he (37, M) wants me to get more fit and this makes him question the relationship

I'm female, 34. I'm a normal weight for my height (1.65m with 64 kg). I carry my weight on my lower body and you can slightly see some of my ab lines (there's a thin layer of fat over it). I try to eat healthy (strictly gluten free and cooking at home), because I have an autoimmune condition, as well as small heart and kidney problems which cannot go away. Personality-wise I like relaxing. I have an artistic personality and I love being at home. I'm a homebody, and most of my interests are introverted interests (reading, drawing, crochet, writing, video games). There are days when I spend all day at home (I'm also working at home). Don't get me wrong, I also like going out and walking around the city, as long as I have something to do. For example I go to buy groceries almost daily, which is a total of half hour walk back and forth. If I have company I also like going to the park or in nature, but won't do it on my own, unless again, I have a goal.

My boyfriend likes to keep active and fit. He is very lean. He is the kind of person who will follow a goal to the end, even if he suffers (e.g. if his toenails fall off because of the program he created for himself). He doesn't care about nutrition and does not like drinking water. He works long hours and when he goes for his long runs (which I don't enjoy) he feels like we are not spending enough time together. I'm supportive of his interests and do not complain to him, ever, because I truly don't mind him taking time for his hobbies. But he wants us to have this specific thing in common.

He feels like I may not fit with his desired active lifestyle, even though he loves me and cares for me a lot. And this affects the way he sees out future. He is on the fence about it and his ambivalence also affects any kind of motivation from my side to make him happy. Because I feel that I try to make him happy.

We sometimes go for hikes which are steep, uphill and which can take a few hours to complete. When he suggests it I always say YES. I also organised quite a few hikes when we visited my home country. Despite this, we often end up arguing, because I feel more comfortable at a slower pace and he insists that I need to get more fit so we can go faster. He compares me to all other hikers who keep a pace and that makes me feel less-than. He also pushes me to finish a long hike, when I REALLY cannot do it anymore.

I love going to nature and I enjoy the uphill, but the fact that he's trying to turn our day into some fitness challenge gets on my nerves. I want to absorb my surroundings, not compete. Sometimes he ends up walking ahead of me, and it makes me feel uncomfortable because for me, it's rude. I feel like his attitude keeps me from enjoying the landscape and our relationship (and I'm sure that I keep him from enjoying it the way he wants to as well). After every hike I feel frustrated and judged instead of bonded.

He now wants me to exercise more often n the form of cardio or walking. I refuse, as I find circling the park 5 times on my own really boring. Running also bores me to death. His argument is that I have to get more fit for ''my health'', but I don't believe his argument since health includes exercise, nutrition, checkups etc, and he only does one of these three. He also dislikes the fact that if it wasn't for him I would probably stay in all day. Which is partly true, but one of the reasons I actually like being a couple with him is that we go out at nice places together and he gets me outside. The problem is that he wants the activity done his way, instead of enjoying the fact that we are together in the beautiful surroundings and doing something active.

Is that really valid reason for being ambivalent? Or is it just an excuse? I feel like he makes too big a deal out of it, since there is a middle ground. But he does not seem to be interested in a middle ground.

Thanks guys.

​

TL;DR: My boyfriend wants me to go out of my comfort level when it comes to doing active things together. He wants certain pace and conditions in order to have a good time. He is doubting the relationship, even though I go for uphill hikes with him, just at a slower pace than he wants. He wants me to be more active, even when he's not around, to build stamina, but I'm not interested in doing anything more than walking for daily chores.

Submitted November 02, 2021 at 09:07AM by posh_fig https://ift.tt/3mDXqBg